The 10 different kinds of love a Naija guy can have for you

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Loving a Nigerian Man

1. Arsenal Love: Dis love is as unsteady as water. Today, we good. Tomorrow, e bad. Nothing wey you dey do fit make am work well cham cham. Na wen de bros wan do love e go do. If not, no show for you.

2. Bedroom Love: Dis love dey based on “Snake in the Monkey Shadow” style sontin. Na only wen you dey gree come do sexing and sexy tins wey bros dey talk of love oh! You go dey go en house steady for bedroom gymnastics or love ga gbapu.

3. Ofe Love. Aka. Soup love: Some brodas, na to chop food be dia destiny. You must to go dia house to cook soup. Na dhat thyme even de ones wey be aka gum fit give you two million naira to go buy foodstuff come make soup of laive for dem. Eef you no sabi cook just go house, abeg. De relationship no go work.

4. Changing Love: Dis na APC love. Today e go tell you say you fine die. E like ya leg, ya liping stick, imported hia and finger mailers…until marriage wan start. Na dhat thyme mouth go change. Stop wiaring fake hia. Stop wiaring traza. Stop wiaring nails. In fact stop breathing. Dis kain broda na devu oh!

5. Bank of Industry Love: Some kain love na money love. You must to dey give de broda pocket money, airtime money, toiletries money, chop chop money and even money for Nairabet. If you no do, na abuse and yabis be dhat. E go tell you say you wicked. Na you be de bros bank account and salary oh! E no go dey work at all. Na you be efritin.

6. Remote Control Love: When bros say sssss. You must answer yes sir? If E say make you no comot for house, no visit people, no go school and no chop sef, you must obey. Na ogbonge love be dis. After one month ya papa no go sabi ya face again wen e see you.

7. Mike Tyson Love: Dis love dey proportional to de amount of slaps and blow you dey collect. If e no plenty, de love small and e no sweet. Bhet if na everyday you dey chop slap and you dey wia sunshade cofa ya eyes and you dey go see doctor upandan, na en mean say de guy love you die. You go soon die sef true true. Just hexasize patient.

8. Canopy Love: De guy no go talk anytin bhet e dey follow you anywia wey you go. Na so so dear, baby, honey, pure water and chinchin e dey call you bhet e no dey pass dhat one. Na until pessin wan marry you na dhat thyme e dey sabi talk wetin dey en mind. If pessin wan marry you sef na Jesus do am becorse why? Efribody go dey think say dis guy na ya boifren.

9. Champions League Love: Na competition be dis oh! No tink say na you be de final love. He will have like ten babes wey de guy de do love tins with. One for cooking, one for donation, one for bedroom, or for washing cloth…which one be your own? You must fight de oda babes oh! Bite dem, scatter dia food and tia dia cloth so dhat you and ya bobo go marry. Bhet if dem pour you acid…my hand no dey sha.

10. Caretaker Love: For dis kain love na caretaker you be. You can arrange de guy for de main babe wey be de madam at de top. You fit de give am ogbonge sex tins, make water for am to baff, cook sweet soup, polish de guy shoe, wash all de boxers and even brush de guy teeth. Just dey ready to hand over key when madam come and dem wan marry. Na sack be dhat. No salary or pension oh! God go bless you, eziokwu. Your reward is in heaven.

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