Who 4th Mainland Bridge Don Epp? Thoughts on the proposed build

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4th-mainland-bridge

We now understand that Lagos State Government, headed by Governor Akinwunmi Ambode, has signed a Memorandum of Understanding to begin the construction of the 4th Mainland Bridge, expected to bring a 14-year old dream to reality.

Luckily, we’re not just waiting for government to hustle their butt; this is a private-public partnership, apparently, comprising private companies – Visible Asset Limited, Julius Berger Nigeria Plc, Hi-tech Construction Limited, J.P. Morgan, Eldorado Nigeria Limited, Nigerian Westminster Dredging and Marine, Africa Finance Corporation (AFC) and Access Bank.

It is planned to cost N844 billion, cover a distance of 38 kilometres, and take just 3 years to build and complete.

There’s no doubt that this will ease traffic exponentially, but I was just having some thoughts:

1. What will happen to the age-old male alcohol alibi?

Ever since I had sense, I’ve known that husbands who live on the Mainland and work on the Island will sit in bars, drinking beer, watching football and checking out the babes eating suya. The general consensus was that joining the 3rd Mainland Bridge at 6pm would get you home at the same time as getting on it at 9pm. The traffic is truly gangster during rush hour. Did Ambode give any thought to these poor men and their desire for a little down time?

Goodluck Jonathan thinking
Wait, I don’t understand. No more night beer or as how?

Are they supposed to go home to their wives and drink beer with them? What kind of nonsense is this? This thing Lagos State Government doing, ees eet good?!

2. Hawkers on the 3rd Mainland Bridge

Gala hawkers in Lagos

We all know that you can do your weekly shop, buy the latest Hollywood blockbuster, get Gala and step down with Viju milk, and maybe even buy a plot of land on that notorious bridge. But if the traffic is moving sharperly, what will become of our Usain Bolts that have kept us fed and clothed during rush hour traffic since time immemorial? They already run faster than the speed of light whenever their change is in your hand. What more do you want??

3. Plix. Where Will This 4th Mainland Bridge Pass O? Haff Mammy Water Been Appeased??

Proposed_4_MAINLAND_BRIDGE

I know there is no land left in Lagos, so I’m assuming that this bridge will be built over water. Or something. My question is this: have they sent memo to Mammy Water? See, if you’re using leg to cross the bridge and you suddenly turn to tilapia fish, don’t call my name o. Cos Yemoja is not a joking sturves. You will be calling oyinbo to build oyinbo bridge on Nigerian water. Issorai.

4. Three Years To Complete. How Are They Counting These Years?

Kermit the frog surprised
3 years to build 4th Mainland Bridge ke?? There’s a transformer near Oworonsoki that has been broken for nearly 5 years. Issokay.

There’s a part in the Bible that’s something something “A thousand years in Your sight are like a day that has just gone by…” Is this according to Jesus time that we will be counting these 3 years? Cos if they finish this bridge by 2019, I will…eat my hat. *runs off to go buy a hat*

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