5 signs you are in a Nigerian hospital

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Nigerians typically do not like going to the hospital (why go when a quick trip to the mallam for Panadol will fix the issue?) but as it happens there are times when we eventually get over our unwillingness and make our way to the nearest hospital.  As it happens, Naija hospitals no matter the size or location aren’t all that different and bear certain similarities that are unabashedly Naija.  We are Viva Naija and here are 5 signs you are in a Nigerian hospital

1) The reception TV is fixed on African Magic:

Ah! African magic is the fixed channel when you to Naija hospitals and with the way the receptionists are glued to the happenings on screen, you often wonder how they manage to get anything done

disvirgined-virgin (5 signs you are in a Naija hospital)
Amusing movie title aside, una bouquet no dey reach BBC news?

2) You will wait long. For everything:

Ahhhh! To successfully navigate a Naija hospital you will need a lot of patience. Naija hospitals give new meaning to being called “a patient”. From collecting your card, to seeing the doctor, getting tested, getting your prescribed drugs, all are punctuated with medium to long periods of waiting. God help you if you have any plans for the day.

waiting-to-see-the-doctor (5 signs you are in a Naija hospital)

3) The smell of IZAL:

IZAL that strong disinfectant has been the mainstay of many Naija hospitals from time immemorial. You are not in a Naija hospital if you do not smell this at least once!

izal (5 signs you are in a Naija hospital)
IZAL: The Naija hospital Air freshener since 19-kpiridim

4) The Doctor already knows what’s wrong with you:

Even before you have opened your mouth, the Naija doctor has matched up your issue with “Malaria” or “Typhoid”. If you are not sure, it is very likely you’ll end up leaving the hospital with malaria tablets and you’ll wonder after 2 weeks why your broken leg hasn’t healed any…ahem

it-must-be-malaria (5 signs you are in a Naija hospital)
Oga Doctor bullet fit give person malaria?

5) You must buy meds at the hospital:

You have got a prescription and you are thinking of leaving the hospital to buy it a chemist near you? Are you crazy? No! No! Hell no! you were diagnosed here and here you will buy every tablet! Even suggesting patronising your neighbourhood will likely have the doctor looking at you like:

Goodluck Jonathan (5 signs you are in a Naija hospital)
Erm..Sorry sah

So that’s our list did we miss any out? What are the other signs you are in a Naija hospital? Tell us about it in the comments below. As always we are Viva Naija and we love you

 

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