It’s not enough to choose a partner because of their individual qualities, how those qualities are translated to your relationship with that person should be your top priority.
Let me explain.
There are people I almost dated but didn’t. Looking back, I’m glad and relieved I didn’t make that mistake.
Some, we had an amazing connection, some were nice, some smart, kind hearted, etc but to me, that’s never enough for me to have a serious relationship.
One question I always ask myself which I think you should too before committing yourself to any serious relationship -romantic or otherwise- is this, “How vested is this person in me as a person?”
You see, a nice person doesn’t mean a committed person and a generous person doesn’t mean a dependable person. Too often, we get carried away by a person’s individual qualities that we forget to measure the quality of their interaction with us.
I’ve met philanthropists who are not sensitive to the needs of their loved ones. Infact, some of them are downright stingy to their immediate families.
That someone says they want you doesn’t mean they need you or genuinely desire you.
A good person doesn’t mean he/she is good for you.
How does that person treat things that concern you?
How consistent and dependable are they?
How in tune are they with your needs?
Are you priority or opportunity cost?
When there’s some distance or challenges, what’s the quality of their commitment?
And the one that gets to me most is, how willing are they to go the extra mile or make sacrifices for your sake?
No I don’t mean nice things people do for you when it’s convenient or comfortable for them. Many people give their time, resources and energy because it’s very convenient or they have something to gain.
Some of you are 110% committed to people who may be good generally but aren’t 20% committed to you or your welfare.
How do you commit yourself to someone who has no stake in your well-being/welfare? How do you constantly invest yourself in someone who’s not vested in you? Interest is not enough, proven consistent commitment is the gold in the ore.
Some people can buy you things but don’t really care how you go through each day. Some can call you every hour but don’t really care how you’re feeling -plus if you aren’t feeling upbeat, they’ll rather give you space.
Some can give you money but can’t be bothered to show care when you’re down or attempt to go the extra mile for you. Some can do things for you but cannot commit resources for you.
I heard of a girl with a large and healthy family. She needed a kidney and no one could be bothered. She died and her sister wrote a long heart felt post on FB, adoring her “beloved” sister.
I’m constantly watching & evaluating my relationship with people especially those I take quite seriously. You may be the world’s nicest person, but when I see you have little or zero commitment to me as a person, then our relationship cannot move past certain level.
I make sacrifices and shit, but I don’t cast my pearls to swine.
If we’re doing charity, let charity kuku be charity
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