Before you become a mother

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Motherhood

Motherhood

Before you become a Mother, think and plan carefully.

Unless you become a mother by “accident,” I’m of the opinion that motherhood should be a venture one should go into with careful thought and planning.

Its not a job you can resign from. You cannot choose the times and seasons you want to participate. You cannot choose to up and leave when you’re not “feeling up to it. ”

It’s a job that once you choose it, you’re tied to it for life. There’s no taking a break or taking a day off. You cannot choose not to show up one day and show up the other. You cannot afford to pretend you didn’t hear the baby crying in the middle of the night. Your presence in the child’s life CANNOT be dependent on the presence or absence of your partner; you’re a constant while he can afford to be a variable.

But you see, in this part of the world, most of us do not choose motherhood, it’s simply what is expected of us and we do as occasion serves us. When it happens, we find ourselves caught in a flurry of overwhelming activities and emotions that we never stop to ask ourselves if perhaps, maybe we weren’t ready for this.

Its easy to get pregnant, assuming all your reproductive faculties are in perfect shape. Your body doesn’t recognise the presence of a ring, neither does it care about your emotional state once Mr Sperm shows up at Mrs Ovum’s doorstep. Boom! You’re pregnant.

Society says you should celebrate because children are a gift from God. Are they really? If a serial abortionist gets pregnant, is that God also “gifting” her? What about the ones who abuse and enable abuse of their children, did God gift them too or is he punishing the kids for unknown crimes? I think it’s all just biology at work eventually and God comes in when a miracle is desperately needed. But anyway, I digress.

Nigerian women, our Society is not friendly to you and I’m surprised a lot of you still haven’t realised that. Getting pregnant with no financial plan aside a man is a crazy risk.

The amazing part is when you deliberately get pregnant for a married man or one with no legal ties to you and you have no financial plan or source of livelihood. Even a married woman is taking enough risk talk less of you with zero claim to anything.

If you’re married, pregnancy should be a deliberate decision with deliberate plans by you to take full responsibility for that human being. You must start saving from day one and have a way to generate income for the sake of your child. Being a housewife with zero income plans is not just risky for you but for your kids.

Bringing children into the world is a decision that should take mental and emotional strength and preparation because, your partner upping and leaving is no excuse to treat your child anyhow. Being married to a brute is no excuse to bring someone else into this already difficult world to suffer more. You chose the man and as long as you keep choosing him, you keep choosing to harm your kids.

This is not a post to absolve men of their responsibility in child support, but to wake women up to the harsh realities of having kids in this country where to get child support and alimony is like asking for the streets of Lagos to be paved in gold.

It’s great to take lovely photos of cute looking kids and shower blessings upon them but are you really ready for them? Women in developed Nations have evolved to the point where some realise motherhood is not for them and they don’t think themselves any less.

Everyday in Nigeria, women sink into post partum depression, some secretly hate their kids (yes Nigerians, a parent can hate their child, stop being so religious & intentionally blind). Many women project their unfulfilled dreams, lack, anger, depression unto innocent kids because they never stopped to choose motherhood at the time they did, they allowed society choose for them and guess what? when it all caved, Society was nowhere to help them.

Like someone pointed out and I totally agree with him, in business sense, children are not assets but liabilities. Looking at motherhood this way and yourself as a sole proprietor, may help make better decisions when it comes to having kids.

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