Create your world. Don’t pander to societal stereotypes, it will leave you frustrated all your life. Find out what works for you and follow it because public opinion isn’t always the right opinion. What everybody believes is true may not work for you.
My mom told me a story of a lady she knew as a teenager. This lady was promiscuous, according to the usual narrative where the woman is called promiscuous but the men are given a pass. The lady underwent several abortions and didn’t look like she was going to ever get a marriage proposal.
Instead of walking like a failure and underselling herself, she carried herself like a queen. She paid attention to her looks, her craft and kept working on herself. She didn’t at anytime consider herself as a leftover. In summary, a young guy who had never been married and who was younger than her, married her. It surprised everybody because her story was all over the place. In fact she told the guy how many times she had gone through abortions and told him if he wasn’t ready to settle down with her, he should go. She told him that she has accepted her past and cannot deny it. According to her, her past is part of what formed her into what she became. The man was amazed by her self-esteem. His family tried to pull that card of, “she is promiscuous and may not be able to bear kids”. Dude told them that he has found out that she would guarantee his happiness. He married her and the family had no choice than to support them.
A year after their wedding, she had a set of twins. Within, five years of the marriage, she had three boys and a girl. And till the last time my mom heard about them, they were living happily. All those who believed she wouldn’t marry or bear children were disappointed. This is why you don’t allow anybody to define your life for you. Do your thing, your way.
After telling me this story, mom told me something I have always written about. She said: “My son don’t marry any woman because of her hymen. Marry her because she is willing to support you and make you happy. Nobody can make soup with hymen. It does not guarantee anything. Those who have it shouldn’t think they are entitled to a better life than those who don’t have it”.
If you knew where my mom was raised, you will understand that this counsel was purely objective. My mom was raised in a house where you don’t even say hello to the opposite sex. My grand mother would crucify you. She made sure all her daughters married with their hymen intact. I believed this counsel, because mum married as a virgin but she knew that her virginity didn’t make her better than other people. That is wisdom.
The way you see yourself affects your carriage and equally influences how people treat you. If you carry yourself like a leftover, then you will be treated as one. People can abuse you, and call you arrogant but they know they can’t mess with you. Let them call you arrogant, provided they don’t mess with you. I have seen people who married at a very young age, as virgins but couldn’t bear kids. I have also ladies who married at an advanced age and still gave birth. Life thrives on probabilities. Nothing is carved in stone for you. The universe favours us all as it deems fit. It is not the most beautiful, intelligent, talented, brilliant or whatever that gets the best in life. Life happens to us all. Carry yourself well but don’t think that things will fall into place for you because of something you have. Don’t also think that you won’t amount to a thing because public opinion says so.
Create your world.
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