Dear Victor: who do I choose between these two suitors?


Viva QuestionDear Victor I have two serious suitors. They are both without formal education, though very rich and successful in business.

One is divorced but he is quite caring. The other appears arrogant to me. He keeps talking about his spending, for example, taking his clothes to the dry cleaner. When I ask why, he said he is always busy but that when he gets married, his wife would take care of all that. He also tells me that he can’t cook and so is wishing to eat my food.

I don’t even know if I can handle either of them because of their academic qualifications (or lack thereof).

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Viva AnswerThe first job to be done here is for you to decide what you really want. This would help you recognise it when you see it. Make your choice not for anybody but for yourself. It is important that you make your marital choices based on what you can cope with.

Having said that, there is nothing wrong about having a partner who is without formal education. Formal education is not the proof of intelligence. What you need is a man who understands his role as a man, husband and father.

Education can play a role in refining a person’s character. However it is not always true. Some educated people are manner-less and behave like those who have never seen the four walls of an academic institution. Sometimes being with someone who has no academic foundation might not augur well with your relationship. The person might feel insecure around you and try to pull you down to his level. This is not to say that insecurity is limited to academic deficiency. Anybody can be insecure.

I also think you are being hasty with your judgement of the other guy that you consider arrogant. There is nothing arrogant about using the services of a dry cleaner or wishing to eat your food. I would rather say it is an issue of upbringing and orientation. This is what he has been taught that it is a woman’s responsibility to wash and cook for her husband. That mentality can also change, but don’t see it from the angle of arrogance. If you want to know if he is arrogant, pay attention to how he talks and treats you. That is where his arrogance would be revealed. It has nothing to do with his personal desire. There is nothing wrong in a man desiring to eat food prepared by a woman he loves. Just as there is nothing wrong about a woman desiring food prepared by her man.

As to the other man you consider caring, ask questions about his first marriage. Try to find out his values and mentality about issues if life. People are usually who they are in their mentality. This is why the best way to change anybody is to change their mentality. These are the things you should focus on, and if eventually you don’t find any of them marriageable, you can move on to other suitors.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!
Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Good evening Sir, I am on the verge of a divorce. As I’m writing to you I’m fed up with my marriage of 6 months. After our marriage, I discovered that my husband is suffering from an ejaculation problem. He does not ejaculate during sex. He would pound me for close to an hour without ejaculating. We are both Christians and we never got intimate sexually before our marriage.

Apart from the fact that it is boring having this kind of sexual experience, my MIL has been acting funny towards me. Asking strange questions about my not being pregnant. My husband didn’t tell his family what is happening. They are all looking at me as a sterile woman. He met a doctor who prescribed some drugs. But there has not been any improvement. Instead, whenever he wakes up, I always see semen on his underwear.

I am frustrated. Especially because his people are looking at me with suspicion. I don’t think I can handle this. I’m reaching out to you because I believe you can guide me on the next step to take.


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