Dear Victor: he was eager to get married until I got pregnant!

Pregnant and confused

Viva QuestionHello victor, here is my life story I would like you to air it so I could get people’s responses before acting, but please, you have to keep my ID hidden.

I met a guy who is in his late 30s on the 9th of February. We became friends and later became lovers. He has been married before but his marriage was annulled on medical grounds as the wife hid some crucial info from him. He proposed marriage; I refused initially but as time went on, I accepted because I found out he has a good heart.

He came visiting first to my home in Port Harcourt, and I later reciprocated the visit to his home in Lagos. We made plans and concluded on wedding arrangements; he was in a haste to make babies and have a family.

Along the line I became pregnant but the music changed as he now suddenly wants time to get his act together. I gave him 3 months but during those 3 months, he stopped communicating with me or taking my calls.

Sigh. I had to let the both families know of the situation. The family supports me and the fact it was a planned arrangement between two adults but suddenly the guy came up with a new proposal: that he wants to take financial responsibility only, knowing fully well my office would be terminating my position come month end because of my status.

I told him I would be agreeing to the financial obligations if only he can send me abroad and have me start new life as he already ruined my life. He suddenly dropped the call. Right now, I’m planning on getting into contract marriage with my ex. He who pays the bride price owns the baby, because I’d rather have my ex as the father of my baby than a confused adult. Please notify me when published so I can read peoples comment and reactions.

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Viva Answer

As much you consider him a confused person, I think the blame goes to both of you. Having sex is a different thing entirely, but why would you get pregnant? Have you not been seeing all the cases of single mothers who were abandoned by their baby fathers?

Imagine how you have jeopardized your comfort and your job too! If your Ex is willing to be a father to your unborn child, it is okay. But, I won’t advise you to bank on that alone. I suggest you start making alternative arrangements for yourself on how to earn a living. You would definitely need it.

Humans are unpredictable. Nobody knows what your Ex would turn into tomorrow. The journey is just starting for you. I hope you saved some money. Invest part of it into a business that would be giving you constant income. Don’t just depend fully on your Ex.

You can also go into the financial agreement with him and let him take care of your needs. This however, must be in writing and if possible get social welfare involved. Don’t just make a verbal agreement. You would need all the money you can lay your hands on. Even as you do that, make plans for yourself on how to earn a living. Don’t just put your life in the hands of either your Ex or your present man.

You concern shouldn’t be who owns the child. You should be thinking about your safety and comfort.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Good morning, Prof, please there’s something I wanted to get your opinion on. There’s this guy that has been a very good friend. Very nice guy. We have been friends for about 8 years. Just friends, no strings attached. Actually people believe that we are dating because he’s always there to assist. He is 33 and I’m 27. No job yet for him, but he’s the hustling type.

Last month, we started getting closer. I noticed he kept calling, chatting, checking up on me. So I thought I should reciprocate and just flow. We started developing feelings for each other from there.

Prior to last month, he had told me of a girl he’d been toasting for about 8 months who hadn’t given him a response since she had up to 3 guys on her matter and needed time to pray about them. We connected so well, each time I asked of the girl, he gave this very careless response. We spent time together, bonded really well until Sunday night when we were having our routine night gist. As we were about to end the call,  I told him I really appreciated his love and care but that I hope he’s sure of what he wants from us, not that in the future he will start acting funny.

His response was that I’m aware he has a proposal hanging with someone and as such won’t be able to make any promises. I just died that minute. I appreciated his sincerity and proceeded to cry myself to sleep. The next day, he continued with his regular chats which I responded to with one liners. He also made calls which I didn’t answer until yesterday. After the call, he chatted and complained about my cold and resentful attitude. I immediately told him that playing with someone’s emotions is very bad. The next question he asked was if I felt deceived. I told him I wouldn’t want to talk about it via chat; would like to see him at a neutral place. He insisted that the talk has to be at my house, but I told him he had lost the privilege of home visits, it would have to be at a fast food restaurant preferably. He said we might as well forget about talking. Please tell me what to do. I am so confused!

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