Dear Victor Ibeh: my wife prefers her dildo to me!

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Viva QuestionGood morning Sir,

Please I have a very serious issue I want you to counsel me on. I just recently discovered that my wife has a dildo and she has been using it for the past 6 months. Outside the fact that I feel inadequate right now, I feel she is becoming sexually irresponsible. I don’t think I can cope with this. Yesterday, we almost had a fight because she insulted me, claiming that she got the dildo because I am not man enough.

My wife is about to destroy our marriage! I feel like I should just ask her out of my house but I decided to ask for your opinion first. I work in Bayelsa but my family stays in Lagos. We have two little girls of 2 and 4 years, respectively. I come home twice a month, spend two days and go back. I don’t know if that is why she did this. Please attend to me urgently, before I do something I would regret.

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Viva Answer

Sorry about your shock, but there really is nothing wrong about what your wife has done. It is obvious you didn’t have that discussion with her before marriage. As such you cant fault her on the basis of disobedience.

She is human, with sexual urges. Those urges are not for decoration. There is a limit to how much self control anybody can exercise as regards issues of sex. You have to also take into consideration that you didn’t discuss this with her. Then, remember that she is an adult with full capacity to solve her personal problems. When you are not available, how do you expect her to deal with her sexual urges? She handled it in the most respectable way.

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The good thing about this is that she didn’t go outside to get it. She respects you. A sex toy does not erode your sexual relevance in her life. It is to be used in your absence. Would you rather she went outside to seek help?

In fact, she is even making a whole lot of sacrifice that you don’t know about. Most women would prefer the real human penis to a toy. But she chose to make do with a toy just to protect the sanctity of her marriage, that in itself is commendable.

I am not in any doubt that some men have issues with sex toys. That is where dialogue comes to play. This is one of those things that should be deliberated upon before marriage. You need to know the sexual values of each other before taking that marriage step.

A man can comfortably use his wife’s sex toy on her. You can both use it during sex. For instance, if you happen to reach orgasm before her, you can use her toy to help her reach her own orgasm. It is partnership. It helps you both to satisfy each other.

Sex toys are fun. Don’t allow your preconceived notions rob you of having an open mind towards issues of this nature. Sit down with your wife and discuss about this. Ask her to explain to you how sex toys are used. Find out if there is any way you can be of help to her. You will see how much this would help your sex life. The use of sex toys does not mean that one is wayward.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!

Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Please sir, I am typing this with tears in my eyes. There’s this guy I met on Facebook in 2013, we were not all that close. It was more a skeletal chat of “Hello….Hi…” Then fast forward to September last year, he asked for my number. I gave it to him and we started chatting on WhatsApp. He calls me several times a day, he texts me; sometimes, he sends me airtime.

Then October last year was my grandfather’s burial. I didn’t invite him but he showed up. He came to my father’s house and that was my first time of seeing him face to face. After that day he now started disturbing me about marriage that he wants to get married to me. On January, I accepted to date him and it has been going well. Two weeks ago was my birthday and he proposed to me. He has been disturbing me that he wants to come and see my people and perform marital rites. He insists that he wants us to be married by December but I keep delaying. I always tell him to give me a little more time before coming to see my people.

I’m a corper serving in Akwa-Ibom. We are from the same village. He travels every two weeks to come and see me in Akwa Ibom. He is loving and caring. This man has taken me home to his family for introduction, and my family is aware of the relationship too.

But I just found out he is not faithful to me. I saw a chat where he invites girls to his house, one was even asking him that she needs him to have sex with her when she comes and he accepted 😲😱!  He told the girl to look hot and sexy while coming.

Did I also mention to you that any time these girls ask him if he is in a relationship, he will tell them NO? That his last relationship ended last year. I am confused, please advise me on what to do. Should I confront him and call off the engagement? Or should I keep quiet? I got to know about this because somebody sent me screenshots of their chats together, where they promised to have sex when the girl comes to his house. Should I show him the screenshot and walk away from the relationship or what? Please help me, I need to hear from you.

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