Divorced and not ashamed – by Olugbenga O’Shine


“I am Divorced”

Until my phone was picked from my pocket that fateful day, at the entrance of my church, sometime in August 2005, I used to look at those who had their mobile phones stolen from their pockets as dumb and irresponsible.

I learnt my lesson the hard way however.

I had about the same attitude to divorce and divorcees. “Why didn’t they try enough?” I wondered.  “How could they have given up on one another?” I thought to myself.  “Cruel on the children, if anything.”

Then I got hit. ‘Twas like a thunderbolt. I was hit so hard, I could’ve passed out. It was more like below the belt, a sucker punch. A TKO really. I was taken out, flattened.

I never bargained for it. This is something I would not even wish for my worst enemy. The process was totally draining – financially, mentally, physically, psychologically.

I was greatly depressed. Shattered, dreams thrown overboard, hopes lost. I was entirely ashamed; thoroughly so too. For me, it was a shameful experience.

“Howwwwwww? How can?! Why me?”

The court process I even found most harrowing, having never stood before a judge before in my life. A whole three-year process! I dreaded running into those I knew within the court premises – the explanations and then unnecessary sympathy from the lot of them. I found it all so humiliating and degrading. ‘Twas a mess!

My whole life literally came to an abrupt end.

I picked it all up however. I learnt to live again, all over, declaring without fear, “I’m divorced,” when I meet someone new.

They usually are very surprised. This baffles people and I wonder why?

Divorcees are not aliens, I’ve come to realise. They are people who made mistakes by mingling with the wrong people, thereby muddling up their individual lives and sometimes, the lives of their innocent children.
Their only wrongdoing was making erroneous decisions and choices. Abeg, free them.

Divorcees deserve a second chance, sometimes even third, fourth and fifth chances. It’s up to them and those they choose to mingle with.
Truth is your partner may not even be a bad / terrible person; it could just be external factors. Parents interfering, friends’ deceitfully negative influence. Anything and everything that shouldn’t go wrong goin’ absof.ckinglutely wrong.
For a fact, mine is a great individual, but all the same, a mismatch.

I’m not proud to be a divorcee, but I’m indeed not ashamed (not anymore) to be at this stage, especially looking back and knowing I gave it my all.

My best shot !


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