After my marriage ended, it took me 16 months to heal completely. In all that 16 months, I never transferred aggression. I was only angry with the person who hurt me.
I took my time and healed myself. You can’t heal others when you have refused to heal yourself.
I paid my dues. I know how terrible it is to be emotionally involved with a hurting or bitter person. Romantically, I avoid people who are hurting. You can never please them. They will make you pay for all they have been through.
My friend made a recommendation to me about her friend who is divorced and told me to date her and help her heal. She told me part of the terrible experiences she had in her marriage. I told her that I wouldn’t be able to date her. I made it clear that what her friend needed was healing not romance. She isn’t fit for a relationship. She would unconsciously mess up any man she dates. As someone who has been a victim of that in the past, I knew what it looked like. I had once been with someone who would call me the name of her ex who hurt her so badly. A little disagreement and she would go, “Tony you are hurting me again”. The angst was palpable. Children of God! I took a walk. Can’t come and die for the sins of the world. I am not Jesus Christ.
If you are hurting, what you need is healing not romance. An emotionally damaged person is like sour soup or adulterated Coca-Cola product. You are an emotional risk to anybody you date.
Find healing first.
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