Kano beheading: Nigeria is a secular country, BUT!

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Nigeria and violence

Nigeria is a secular country!

But!

Abia State can make a law authorising ‘burning’ of theft and armed robbery convicts. The state house of assembly can legalise the Bakassi boys to carry out arrests and executions, just as the Hisbah of Kano enforces aspects of sharia regulations, including the sale and consumption of beer by infidels.

Imo State can make a unique criminal law based on the Mosaic commandment which outlaws coveting your neighbour’s wife, and convicted adultery offenders will be *stoned to death* at Owerri Township Stadium.

In mainstream Christianity, Jesus Christ is God and Saviour of the world. Enugu can invent new criminal laws banning any criticism or denigration of the sacred belief that Jesus is God, and Jehovah witnesses and other Christians who resort to making ignorant and insulting claims that Jesus is but a prophet, will be beheaded for the crime of blasphemy.

Abakaliki state can enact elaborate laws against indecent dressing by men and women, including the wearing of mixed fabrics and rounding the edges of the beard. Of course these unique moral laws will be based on the old testament regulations of dressing, and anyone deemed to have violated the laws will be subjected to forearm amputation by a special religious police created for the purpose of investigating and punishing offenders.

If you have any other novel ideas for criminal laws based on the religions and traditions practised in your own state, please endeavour to begin the process of articulating the appropriate bill for onward transmission to the house of assembly in your state for ratification and enactment.

Happy weekend, good people of a united and indivisible Nigeria!

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9 COMMENTS

  1. Translations, we should all start beheading any foreigners in our midst, using religion as a launching pad? That’s not very bright of you. God does not recruit criminal elements to perform murderous acts on His behalf, only demons do that because they cannot create. Almghty God does not ordain mankind to be assassins.

    • Sir, the article is satirical.
      You will now understand why having Sharia law in Nigeria is not such a bright idea.
      Maybe you should read the entire thing a second time.

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