Never negotiate with terrorists: Kevin Hart gives us a masterclass on dealing with blackmail

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Kevin Hart blackmail issue

Kevin Hart has been having a bastard of a time recently. Someone’s tried to blackmail him in an extortion attempt, claiming they had video proof that the pint-sized comedian doing the nast-ay with some girl and demanding EIGHT FIGURES in order to not leak it. Eight figures, y’know?! Triflin’.

The extortionist has already released a 4 minute and 47 second video; highly produced, with audio from Kevin on various radio shows as the video rolls.  The video cuts to a bedroom scene where it appears 2 people are having sex on a bed.  You can’t see the people in the bed, but afterwards you see a naked man walking in the room and it certainly looks like our Mr Hart.

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Courtesy TMZ.com

There’s a lot going on here. Firstly, there’s the whole – how you get ’em is how you lose ’em – karma school of thought. It is believed that his pregnant wife, Eniko Parrish, was knockin’ them boots with him while he was married to his first wife (the wife of his poorer youth), Torrei Hart. Eniko hasn’t ended up too badly for herself, and the thing Kevin Hart should have used to do integrity (and height), he used it to do funny bone. I ain’t shedding tears for neither of these people; only some sort of vindication for the first Mrs Hart. Get your paper and make it stack, boo boo, Kevin ain’t about that faithful life, so wipe your tears and GET YOURS.

But no, this is not a lesson in morality. Today’s tale is about the epic way Kevin responded to the blackmailers and extortionists. He kuku told the story of himself by himself. Because dia FADA lap, that’s why!

Kevin Hart - extortionist storyHe created a video – you know one of those annoying ones that men do when they don’ effed up – “I apologise to my wife, kids and family…I hurt them…blah blah bullsh1t” while he point blank took the wind from the blackmailer’s sails!

He said “At the end of the day, man, I simply gotta do better. But I’m also not gonna allow a person to have financial gain off of my mistakes.”

PREACH! I’ve always said this about blackmail. Firstly, they NEVER go away. They just keep coming back for more, and the stress of praying they don’t release the secret will kill you faster than the guilt of whatever it is you’ve done.

But I have also always secretly prayed never to be in this position as I don’t want to find out if I’m all mouth. Can I actually come clean when it matters the most?

But Kevin Hart is proof positive that any of us can do it. He had A LOT to lose – this is not his first ride on the infidelity rodeo. And his wife is pregnant, Lord knows she doesn’t need the stress (and she has been stressed; US paparazzi don’t care about you or your baby; they’ve been trailing and bugging her for days now).

But he called the police, the FBI, nearly even went to Babalawo to find out who the extortionist was while completely defeating their mission. And the extortionist has made it abundantly clear that this was just a money maker for them, stating “Kevin Hart was privy to me wanting to expose him as I have made countless attempts to expose this information to various blogs, in an attempt to also get paid.”

Kevin Hart eraThat’s how you handle nonsense LIKE A BAWSE. Eniko might be mad now, but she’ll live; the black Amex will probably go some ways to easing her sorrows. Heck, he’s better off using some of the money the blackmailer wanted to assuage his wife.

They will all be alright, but the moral of this story is – oga/madam extortionist, you lose!

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