There is a 99% chance that I will NEVER go to a Nigerian for marriage counselling. And there’s a 99.999999999% chance that I will NEVER go and see a Nigerian marriage counsellor who is a Christian.
The typical Nigerian marriage counselling is 80% talk to the woman on how she should be submissive, be a fool for her husband, dump her life for the D, lose her brain to remain married, and die if that is what it takes to make her husband happy and feel good.
The remaining 20% is to tell the man how he should be in control, and how he can get the best out of the wife for his own happiness.
I cringe a little whenever I hear or read a Nigerian say “I’m a marriage counsellor”. And I “X” such a person in my heart as soon as he or she adds “Christian” to the marriage counsellor title.
I would rather divorce ten men in one year than go to a Nigerian Christian who claims to be a marriage counsellor. What am I even saying? I would rather shoot myself than attend a marriage counselling session with a Christian Nigerian marriage counsellor.
The team of marriage counsellors in my church can pass as an extension of “Ndi Iche”. I mean your village elders and Umuadas. You as a woman can NEVER win.
You will tell them that he stabbed you in your chest while you were sleeping, and they will still tell you how he did it because your submission techniques were not 100% top notch. And advice you to remain submissive in your death bed so that you can go to heaven when you die as a result of the stab wounds he inflicted on you.
I do NOT exactly consider women who take their marriage matters to Ndi-Iche or Church elders “clever”. I don’t know why they still don’t understand that they will always be at fault as the vagina owners against the penis owners. I mean, this is a given.
In MOST Nigerian churches and villages, in every wife vs husband case, the wife is inherently guilty by the virtue of the fact that she is the woman. The cases are prejudged. The woman is guilty till proven innocent beyond reasonable doubts, while the man is innocent till proven guilty beyond reasonable doubts.
A woman who is on my list NOW was dumped by her ex husband after their 4th child. The ex husband is a pastor in an RCCG branch in the UK, now married to the choir mistress of his former branch. This pastor who abandoned his wife and four children is now the main marriage counsellor in his church.
I gave up on marriage counselling as a child when I saw a man in my church (who was married to two women in two different cities, had children with four women, and had girlfriends in almost all the Universities and Polytechnics in our part of the country) sitting as part of the panel of marriage counsellors to resolve a case of infidelity between a young couple.
For every Nigerian marriage counsellor whose background story I know, I can give you seven reasons why they need counselling themselves, and why they should never have an opinion about marriage.
And that’s why I consider most of them symbolic jokes till they prove otherwise. So far, none has been able to prove otherwise.
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