Shame and how it affects you


Sometime ago I had a bit of a brain wave and I started reflecting on how many people are here but aren’t really “here”. They appear to be disconnected and distant from themselves, from their bodies, their skin, their work. Their very lives.

After a bit of thought I came to realize that one major thing that causes this is shame. Shame causes us to not only distance ourselves from others but from ourselves too.
Take for example the person who is ashamed of his work. Perhaps he or she has a small business that they are running and they are feeling ashamed because they aren’t working in the big offices, driving the big cars, earning 6-7 figure sums monthly. This shame will cause the person to “distance” him/herself mentally and emotionally from their business and while they are there physically working, they aren’t really there.

The fruit of such might include the person shrinking back when opportunities for business growth come there way. They will shut their mouths when they ought to be shouting excitedly about the great value their business offers. They will sleep when they ought to be awake and planning for the day. They will likely handle the work poorly and will be rude to their customers as they view them as daily reminders of their “shame” and perchance if some money comes into their hands, they would rather squander it on keeping up appearances (Clothes, possessions and outings they don’t need) than invest it in business growth.

For some other people, the fruit of this shame is that they will begin to work feverishly. All because they want to get to a point where they think they will be free from shame. “If I can only be like Bolaji and get the sales he is getting.” “If I can only have what she has” The problem here is that while their increased labor might produce more, they will always struggle with shame because someone else will always have more than they do.

In my opinion the solution to this shame isn’t doing more but rather in taking pride in who we are, where we are and what we have. No longer distancing ourselves but filling up every inch of our bodies, lives and present moment.

And why not? Your present business might be small but all big things start small.
And why not? Your skin color and body type might not be regarded attractive but it is your skin and your body type and you have the final say on how you feel about it.
And why not? You might not have the millions your mates have but you are doing honest work that is putting food on your table. Honest work that you enjoy. Not many can speak of that.
Shame is worthless to you. Take pleasure in yourself. Take pride in your life. It’s the best way to live

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