When it comes to matrimony, nothing should be left to the imagination. It is very dicey to assume that you know, when you don’t. You go wound o! Please have that chat! It will save you a great deal from ‘postnup’ shocks.
I remember vividly as a little lad in my Dad’s church. Intending couples were forbidden from spending time together for any purpose. They must have a middle person that served as an inter-phase for them, in order to pre-empt fornication. The smart ones often sought secret ways of meeting each other. In some cases, the ladies ended up pregnant before their wedding night! People in those days got married based on assumptions and when issues started cropping up in marriage, rants of “for better or for worse” filled the air.
There is nothing virtuous about that arrangement. It was a mere display of ignorance. Some women who married under such arrangements still have their regrets. The importance of The Prenup Chats can not be over emphasised.
Find out if you have the same or adaptable religious beliefs. For Christians, if you have a calling as a preacher, tell him/her. Some women love God but have no desire to become pastors wives. Don’t keep Her ignorant of your calling and thereafter expect her to assist you in the ministry. That is why some pastors call their wives devils, because they are finding it difficult to function as “Mummy”
Yes sex! Talk about it. We all have diverse erotic tastes. Find out about each other’s libidos. Sexual incompatibility can wreck a marriage faster than anything else. Don’t be forming holy holy o! After wedding you will meet face to face with reality.
Oral, vaginal, anal, foot, breast, hand, blow, armpit, and all other types of job. Use of sex objects, Simple and complex erotic fetishes are all part of the deal. You must find out how compatible you are.
Make enquiries about your erotic tools. Be sure they are in good condition. Talk, see, not necessarily touch but have convincing proof that they are functional. Find out if it a HB pencil or a cucumber. Also ask about her wideness. Be sure she has an opening. Some women don’t. I know two who don’t. Can he sustain an erection? Some women married impotent men and are committing adultery instead of walking out because it is “for better or for worse.” This is from experience. “For better for worse” can not give you orgasm. Above all discover the level of your sexual adaptability. This is very important. I’ve kuku said my own.
Health! Health!! Health!!!
Nobody is 100% healthy. Find out each others’ health baggage. Is her uterus damaged? Does he have low sperm count? Past and present STDs, HIV, Hepatitis, asthma, genotype, insanity etc. There won’t be need for that forty days and forty nights’ prayer if you can just have this chat. Don’t start talking about faith. This is reality. Disclose every health condition.
This is another major topic that requires attention. As a man how do you feel if your woman earns more than you? Family savings and investments? Some men have not built houses because they don’t want to use their wives’ earnings for it. That doesn’t make sense. If a woman believes in contributing towards a family welfare, she deserves an applause. The absence or mismanagement of money can destroy matrimony. Make no mistake about it: money is a very powerful force. Hence it was said “You can not serve God and Mammon”
Does she like to breast feed or use baby formula? What is his mindset about child rearing? Child discipline? Child care etc
Find out these things. Is he going to be fully involved or does he think it is a woman’ sole responsibility, to raise kids?
The essence of having this chat is to find a point of compromise for both parties. Being able to adapt is also an added advantage. Avoid desperation. It will prevent you from having an honest chat. Marriage is not a bed of roses! Reality will always stare you in the face, after your wedding night. There is no point stumbling into it without proper investigation.
It is criminal to conceal any detail that will help your partner to make a well informed choice. Doing that will amount to laying a foundation for crisis in your marriage.
Look before You leap!!!
To be continued……
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