As it has been revealed that Gary Lineker got a quickie divorce IN ONE DAY from wife of 6 years, Danielle Bux, I stop to wonder about the sort of conversations people ask before getting married.
Today, the Daily Mail revealed that the legendary football pundit, Gary Lineker, has split with his partner of eight years amidst claims that the main bone of contention was the decision to have more children or not.
You see, Gary, 55, already has four children and has no intention of having any more. Danielle, on the other hand is 36 years old with one child and has always wanted more.
There is no meeting point in issues like this and there is no way to compromise. There is no such thing as half a child, you cannot meet halfway.
For someone who wants children, the need is so visceral that it cannot be negotiated away. I have seen women spend their last penny and sacrifice their marriages on the altar of childlessness or adding another child.
Similarly, for someone who does not want any children at all or any more than they already have, this is not a case of “No, I don’t want another drink…okay, go on then…maybe just one more” Gary Lineker and people like him who have this resolve do NOT change their minds. Ever. Sometimes, it’s a gut instinct and other times it’s a cerebral decision “I’m 55. I’ve already had four children. I really do not want to be kicking ball in a park with a hip replacement. Abeg I no do. Haba, I never try??”
Gary Lineker’s divorce and what it teaches us about the pre-marriage talks
Some of you might be wondering what this has to do with the Nigerian sector. Indeed, I know some might be thinking “That’s oyinbo for you; marry for breakfast, divorce for lunch,” but we would be wrong in thinking that marrying with short term goals is a uniquely white problem.
Over and over, I hear about couples having disagreements that are so basic and fundamental to the marriage that you wonder “What on earth did you talk about while dating??”
People argue and separate over how many children to have. Whether they will live in the UK permanently or relocate to Naija. Over if they should raise the kids Muslim or Christian (inter-faith marriages).
And it is the same thing all the time: either they don’t talk about these issues because “It never came up in conversation” or they simply thought their partner would change his or her mind.
Someone who wants to relocate to Nigeria eventually will not mysteriously one day become the loyal subject of the Queen. Someone who lets you may practise your religion but is adamant that his/her children serve their own God will not suddenly release their offspring to “the other side”.
Have some serious conversations with your partner and if you come across a stumbling block, then understand it for what it is: something that needs discussion and agreement before moving any further, not something that will evaporate into the mists of “I love you tori torun”
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