It is that time: An amusing look at being broke

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Being broke

Being broke

It is that time. For us, struggling citizens, that time of the month has come. That time when you dissect the empty toothpaste tube to access the traces of toothpaste therein. And you swipe your toothbrush just once, kidogo tu, no more than a centimeter. Anyone in the house who swipes their toothbrush twice, as if they have more than 32 teeth, is punished severely and used as an example to other members of the household. And if they swipe twice and use more than a centimeter at the same time, they get excommunicated from the home.

A time when, after pressing the lotion bottle, instead of lotion, you get air, and a pitiful pffff sound. So you do a few push ups, as a warm up exercise in preparation for slapping that lotion bottle against your hand, mightily, so that, at least, an iota of lotion can shoot out from that ka hole. Then after two days, you cut up the bottle and dip your finger in either of the two halves, to see if you can get a tittle of lotion.

When taking a shower is a water-only affair, because the bathing soap has completed its life span and now looks like a SIM card. If your empty lotion bottle completely refuses to co-operate, well, you’ll walk around with your skin as dry as your financial situation. Here, a statement like ‘just a small skin issue’, spiced up with a lie like ‘my dermatologist advised…’, can come in handy when someone points out the horrid scales on your skin.

Lunch is skipped, and everyone secretly wants to wipe clean the sufuria that cooked supper. Someone will. Most likely the person who was the first to finish eating, immediately took their plate to the kitchen, and used more than 10 seconds to place the plate in the sink and walk out. Then they put some water in that sufuria to disguise their act.

Tissue is running out, so you ask everyone to try, as much as possible, to wipe once, but with precision and skill, to avoid ‘wastage’, and should they need more tissue, they had better use water. You encourage everyone to have bowel movements in the toilets at their work places or school, to minimise tissue usage at home. You also forbid anyone from having diarrhoea. At least until the salary checks in.

A time when the shoe polish has said its goodbyes, and now school shoes, or whatever other shoes that require shoe polish, are just wiped using water and a cloth, and they will still look like they have dust.

And beverages are taken without sugar, and as you sip your sugarless tea, you keep saying, “Sugar is not even good for your health anyway.”

Weh. The battle is tough.

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