That time a baby stared at me throughout the church service

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An amusing story

An amusing story

In church, during service, the person seated in front of you is a woman with her baby. The baby decides to stand on the mother’s laps and stare at you, making strong, serious eye contact, until you squirm internally and shift in your seat in discomfort. The child gives you a cold, hard glare, without blinking, making you feel like it can see all the nasty things you did during that bachelor’s party in 2007. Like it knows about the dirty text messages you’ve been secretly exchanging with someone you shouldn’t even look at. Like it knows that the car on your profile picture is actually not yours.

You try to concentrate on the pulpit, but you keep finding yourself nervously locking eyes with the child again. You pretend to read the flyer you were handed at the church entrance, but you can still feel the child’s sharp eyes on you. Even when the mother holds the child down so it can suckle, the baby will suckle for a few seconds then pop its head over the mother’s arm to intensely stare at you again.

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