WHAT IS CHEATING? I am tempted to go with the most popular definition of it in the love context but I know there are so many definitions of it; a lot of them, an attempt at denial or misunderstood justification. Let’s start with the default and define cheating in relationships simply as extra-relationship affairs, it is never really about the definition but what is done with it so here’s its most popular use, the question why. “why did you do it?”
Women never get tired of asking this question. It certainly seems like men never get tired of giving them a reason to ask but then, sometimes, tables flip. This legendary question interestingly, has a very simple answer: people cheat because of a lack of contentment and satisfaction.
No matter what the origin of the reason is, it always links back to this same point, the person was not satisfied. That’s the simple bit. Beyond that, it gets complex. Contrary to popular belief, cheating is not always about sex. In fact, in many cases, sex is just a by product of it. People just need to fill a void in their hearts, minds and lives. A void that was created by the partner. Does this mean the partner is responsible? No, only you are responsible for your actions. But we must never shy away from discussing the effects of certain actions or inaction. A cheating partner is a dissatisfied partner; simple. But a cheat is still a cheat.
Unfortunately, it goes beyond that. Many partners are in relationships where attention to detail is at a minimal. You put in maximum efforts, unnoticed. You put in zero effort, still unnoticed. Try to look good, unnoticed, not care about looks, unnoticed. It may seem like one is just fishing for excuses but if you have ever been neglected, you’d find how vulnerable one can become to a very ordinary compliment!
Let’s be real, there are so many people out there experiencing this. So what exactly is expected when one lonely person gives a compliment to another lonely person and in coincidence, the compliment is reciprocated? An instant connection is made and a fortress is created away from the neglect of the home. A safe place where everything is as one wishes it without the strains of permanent commitment.
Sometimes we cheat with people we do not know or maybe do not even wish to know physically. Hmmmm! That tells a lot about the condition of the home. Why not just discuss it with the partner at home, right? If the partner at home was listening in the first place, we wouldn’t be here now, would we? It’s only a matter of time before things get more complicated and sex gets mixed into the equation.
This is the part that’s planned but life always throws a curve ball and when it comes to the heart, you just never know. When the partner at home becomes synonymous with digging a hole in the heart and another casual individual outside becomes synonymous with filling it, love becomes a serious possibility. And to make it worse, this love is always on steroids so everything is accelerated.
Sex today; I love yous tomorrow; let’s have a baby the next week; and let’s run away the week after. Everything is hyper insane, hyper crazy and hyper soothing like the effect of nicotine to an addict. All the above and we are talking about neglect, now imagine all the other cases of domestic violence, acting irritated, emotional crushing, and yes sexual inadequacies.
Like I mentioned earlier, it is going to be near impossible to find a justification for cheating but we have to be real with the effect of accelerators (things, actions or events that encourage it).
When it comes to love and marriage, can a person be contented? It is a difficult thing to achieve but yes it is very possible. Every marriage goes through a period of sway and while some lucky ones get other wives, there are those of us who are incapable of it (for different reasons) so it seems kind of easy to just pick a temporary source of “peace”.
I have talked the talk that I have indeed walked and only came out of because I was lucky it got severed from the other end. Not everybody has been this lucky but there’s one thing that helps set the mind straight. The thought of how one would feel if tables were turned.
On a lighter side though, male friends are just rubbish when it comes to cheating. Ahan! The kind of loyalty a male shows another male is absolutely amazing. If a friend is found guilty, the group is found guilty, so you can be guaranteed full support. A man will go to his friend’s wife and lie that the girl in the picture is his own. Heck, a man will even claim responsibility for setting up the connect (if everything don cast finish).
Women? No such loyalty o! If you are doing it you are on your own (these ladies ain’t loyal, na dem go even go post the picture for your husband wall and na lie o, dem sef wan feature for the trips).
If you are caught up in this situation, I feel for you, really I do. Because it can be extremely painful and difficult to exit especially when your partner at home is not keeping up. Cheating in relationships can be hard to deal with. I believe most men genuinely sit up when the possibility of external candidates becomes real. But we could go on and on about the different scenarios and not exhaust this topic after several posts. Cheating is the unfortunate position that many people have been pushed to but we learn these things for different reasons. My favourite is making myself and others grow from the lessons learnt knowing that no other can be blamed for allowing things slip out of control.
Now, let me go and think up a story on how to explain my knowledge of this topic.
Post originally found here: http://www.giwaspeaks.com/love/it/
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