I am in a dilemma. I have been married for two years. My husband is a nice man and he has been trying his best to be the best of husbands to me. Before we got marred, his mother opposed the marriage claiming that I was older than her son and that she can’t allow him marry someone older than him. My husband stood his ground and we got married. I am just two years older. After we got married, I have been trying my best to show love and kindness to her. I have never used what she did against her.

My husband is hardworking but I earn more than him and I think his mother knows about it. I have been giving her financial gifts all along in order to be the good daughter in-law that I’m supposed to be. Recently, she asked me for a loan of 2 million naira. She claims she wants to use it for business and she would pay me back in 6 months. I asked her if she has told her son, she said no that she wants it to be between us. Here is the thing, I am worried. I don’t know if this is something I should be scared of. I really don’t know what it could turn into. Please, I need counsel.

Like you said, this is a dilemma. If you give her the money there will be trouble, if you don’t, there will be trouble still. Lending money to friends and family members is usually very dicey. They may decide not to pay back and recovering your money would bring about enmity. In this case there is already a history of rancour between both of you, which makes it even more dicey.

This is what I think you should do. Out of the amount she has asked for, find out what you can give to her without requesting it back. Give her that amount and ask her not to pay back. Do it like a loving daughter so she won’t suspect any form of smartness on your part. Apologise profusely to her for your inability to give her the full amount. Forget that she doesn’t want her son to know. If something goes wrong, she would be the first person to report you to her son and you can bet that the story would lose its originality. Give her want you can give away and don’t ask for it back.

If you give it as a loan, she may intentionally want to pick up a fight with you and make it difficult for you to demand your money. Some people are also going to judge you for lending money to your mother in-law. They will try to demonise you and make you the villain instead of the victim. To save yourself from that heartbreak, just give her what you can. She can go and get the remaining portion elsewhere.

Do you agree with Victor? What would you have advised? 

Hi Victor,

I have been dating this lady for about 13 months. Every time I come to her house I see a little boy in her house that calls her Aunty. She told me he is her nephew. Her parents and siblings have been playing along all the while I visited. Last week, her very close friend requested to see me. I met with her in an eatery and she disclosed to me that my supposed fiancée is the mother of that boy. Victor, I was distraught. I called her and she confessed that he is indeed her son. She told me that she was scared of losing me and so she decided to lie about it. I am confused at this point. I love her so much but I’m worried because I don’t know other things she has lied to me about. How can I feel safe with her as a wife if she could connive with her family to lie to me? Please help me. I need counsel!