Let’s talk about sex


Dear Nigerian woman, When you want to have sex, have sex because you want to.

Don’t have sex because “he wants to” or because you feel obliged -like it’s a responsibility or an obligation. That how the word “frigid” and “spousal rape” entered the dictionary.

Even if you aren’t “in the mood” and you decide to do it because your partner is a good “seductionist” or you do it to please them, you still made that decision so enjoy it because you could decide not to. It’s not about moods but choice.

Don’t have sex with the hopes of getting something else out of it; something outside the sexual fulfilment sex brings.

Have sex because you want to and when you do, be present in the moment; enjoy it, relish it, exploit it. If you’re unmarried, you’re already sinning so it would be double sin to waste that sin.

And if you’re spending your life with anyone, enjoy the time as it passes. In life, even tomorrow is not promised, therefore a marriage or relationship’s tomorrow is not promised either. Now that you’re having a good time, enjoy thyself.

When things aren’t going well, be present in that moment too because you have CHOSEN to stay put and it’s your choice to weather the storm in hope for a better tomorrow.

You’re a human being, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!!! To have sex or not, to stay in a negative situation, to remain with a toxic or violent person etc. No one makes such personal choices or decisions for you regardless of what influences them i.e. kids, fear, uncertainty, etc. In the end though, it still remains YOUR choice so own it and take complete responsibility for it.

I think as women we have been strongly conditioned not to live for our pleasures but to give pleasure, to live for others, to “make others happy” and all those self-abasement clichés that come across as noble. As a result, a woman tends to feel guilty when she’s enjoying herself too much or “living selfishly” or when she’s simply making decisions that favour her above all else. Somehow, we have been declared martyrs before we were born and it has submitted deep into our subconscious.

Okay I digressed. Back to what I was saying. As a woman, you have but one life to live like everyone else therefore, Enjoy it while it lasts. If you have sex, have it and enjoy it, in fact enjoy it thoroughly. If you are in a relationship, enjoy it thoroughly and if you will stay in the unpleasant times, stay because you want to. If it doesn’t pan out well, remember that YOU CHOSE.

When you observe this rule, all those self defeating talk of “He used me”, “He took the best years of my life” will stop. Because, he didn’t use you, YOU had sex. He didn’t take the best years of your life, YOU shared those years with him, simple. Such talk reeks of a life whom the owner is not in control of and you’re not an inanimate object someone can “use”.

Ingrain this deep into your subconscious and you will do better at owing your life, your decisions and controlling the happenings of your own life. No one can do it for you and no one really has such power over you.
Do what you want because you want to.

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