mazi abe’s corner: Buhari’s Ministerial Appointments – The Bride, The Groom and the Constitution

The Marriage

The new bride waits eagerly in the bridal room for the groom to arrive and consummate the marriage. At the ripe age of 55, she is not exactly a spring chicken, but nervous all the same.

As she lies there among the eagle feathered pillows and lacy spreads, all adorned in the family colours of green and white, her mind wanders back to her previously failed marriages.

Since she had been conceived, her marriages have always been negotiated, arranged, by force, selection, by force a few more times, even by war!

Never has she been married for love.

Now, marriage-weary with fatigue, marital rape and plunder, the slightly greying but still beautiful bride allows herself a tired but hopeful smile. Hopefully, this marriage will not fail like the others.

This is a new age marriage. There was no force, arrangement, selection or even war.

This is a marital agreement by Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Blackberry and of course, the bàbà of them all, the Card Reader.

“It cant fail,” she smiles dreamily. Or can it ?

Lying there in the darkened room, the door opens and she hears the rather slow shuffling of her new husband’s feet towards the bed

“This one is a bit slow” she muses, as she reaches to remove her silk negligee, “but at least this marriage is borne out of some love” she giggles, rolling on to her back.

“Morning my dear, how was last night ? Was it good for you ?”

Mmmmmmmmmm, “It was very okay” she yawns, stretching languidly.

“Initially you were a bit slow on the button, but you revved up later,” she laughed, nervously eyeing the half limp sausage in his hand.

“You hungry ?”

“Errrmmm no no no, thank you,” she answers rather too quickly. He eyes her suspiciously.

“At least you have brought some Light back into my dark life, honey” she assures him. He smiles back happily.

Okay, no problem. Let’s clean up and get dressed.

What’s the sudden hurry, my darling Baba go slow ? Lets stay in bed all day.

I would have loved to, but you know both our families are waiting outside for the traditional baby wash.

Buhari in office

“Baby wash ?? So soon? And what is so traditional about it?”

“Well, the truth is, you have a bit of mileage on your meter already and I have spent most of my middle age wooing you, apart from that brief kiss and fumble in the back of my army Jeep. So the families want a baby as soon as possible”.

“And the tradition?”

“Well, the tradition is that we have at least 36 midwives, one from each family compound, pressing and pulling on every part of your body till you conceive”

What???? 36 ?? Oh Bàbà, that is too much o.

“I know, my dear but it is all written down in the pre-nuptial agreement and I have to follow it”.

“What pre-nuptial agreement? I don’t remember signing any papers”.

It is an inherited agreement my darling. We have to follow the terms of the agreement

It is also known as the Constitution.

To be continued.

Mazi abe idris © 2015


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