In this new year, perfect the art of moving on

Moving on

Moving on

I know a lady who’s husband kicked her out of her matrimonial home and moved in with another lady. He later went as far as paying her bride price and now the lady has borne him two kids.

While they were still married, the man made it a habit of beating her incessantly which led to her losing a pregnancy and being hospitalized for days. At the end, Uncle kicked her out and remarried.

Here comes the amazing part: up to five years after the new wife came into the house, she’s still hoping for reconciliation. She has visited -and is probably still visiting- many Churches in a bid to get back her “charmed husband”, after all, what else would make a man beat and leave his wife if not charms? SMH

The worst part is that these prophets and priests don’t tell her the truth, or advise her to move on. In fact, they put her on fasting and prayer schedules to pray non-stop for her wayward husband to return. Sometimes though I really don’t blame them because I realised her ears were actually closed to hearing the truth. She would rather blame her mother and her mother in law for her woes than admit she married an animal with no conscience.

I also heard the story of a relative whose husband made it clear he was done and wanted nothing more to do with her but she refused to let go. He did everything to make her leave but she refused to budge, maybe because she owned the house they were living in. At least she would have agreed to a separation or divorce then head to the courts but she stayed in probably to “save her marriage” and the man grew desperate and poisoned her.

She almost lost her life in the process. Thankfully she survived and took to her heels from the hospital, she didn’t even bother going to park her things.

You hardly see a man who clings desperately onto a woman who has rejected him, so why do we? You barely see a man who remains with a woman when his life is threatened, so why so you stay with men who openly announce they will kill you if they get the chance? Why do you disrespect and degrade yourself so much just to be loved and accepted by someone who wouldn’t even give his left toenail to save your life?

Why do you even beg to be accepted? Why do you beg to be needed? Is your self esteem on the same level with a rag that you need a penis to validate your human existence?

Learn how to cut your losses. We all make mistakes, sometimes it’s in our choice of a partner….shit happens, we all make mistakes. However you cannot move forward when you can’t let go of the thing that is keeping you bound. If it’s not working, it’s not working. If it’s detrimental, it’s detrimental. Stop pining away trying to give life to a dead horse.

This doesn’t apply only to marriages and relationships, it also applies to friendships, associations business, jobs. If someone doesn’t want you, they don’t want you. Don’t throw away your life trying to convince them otherwise.

Tell yourself the truth and dust yourself up, stop hiding your fear & cowardice behind inconsequential reasons like “Society”, your children, finances, family. Don’t you know children do better in a peaceful environment than a chaotic one? Hell, I remember when I left my parents house, I left with absolutely nothing, home and abroad. But I knew I couldn’t stay one day longer and that was enough.

Move on from people, move on from relationships. Move on from anyone or anything that takes away your peace or sense of worth. Make up your mind and your will will decide a way.

In 2018, tell yourself, “I AM ENOUGH” because indeed that’s all you need to survive.

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