Wisdom for your relationships
I have dated someone who was earning 8 times my salary and I am not joking. Eight freaking times what I was getting a month. Some of you think you have seen people that have money. No worry. Una nefa cheechumchin. She was earning big bucks but I never fought with her over it. I did not wake up and demand she dumbs down or dresses like a pauper to make me feel better about myself.
She was my girlfriend and I did not ask her to submit her salary to me to hold it and give her small to use each month. Even if she had been my wife, I would not do that. Yes, I do believe in joint spending on gifts, outings, holidays, bills, and the like, but to take a woman’s money that she worked her butt off for and tell her how to spend it? My mama did not raise me that way and if she ever hears me say that nonsense, she would travel down to wherever I am and give me a knock that will reset my destiny.
In that relationship I also did not demand she not go out with friends or try to decide who her male friends could be. I also did not assume any correction or advice given was because she had more money than me and was rolling with the big boys and girls.
Every time I see men, or rather boys who can shave, complaining and getting so worked up over stuff like this I just wonder. What kind of life did you grow up having? If a woman with money can make you feel so small and paranoid then what would happen if you met one whose intellect dwarfed yours, had money and was so beautiful that if she passed by a graveyard the dead would rise? What would you do then? Die? Kill her?
For this lady I dated, I was still buying her gifts on her birthday and taking her out to lunch and movies. I did not ever once feel small. If anything I felt challenged. I felt like I could be more and do more. That is what it should be like. I was encouraging this lady to take exams and interviews for better job openings or higher pay. I could have said she has enough but I wanted her to be better. We would talk about work and challenges. I helped a lot of times. In fact, and I promise this is not a boast, every relationship I have ever been in I made sure that I added something to the lady’s life beyond love love.
I pushed for their spiritual growth, mental and emotional growth, work/school progress and more. Nothing was ever too small for me. I wanted them better. That is what I learned as I grew up and I will do it still today if given the chance. If anyone I have ever dated says I did not help them grow, na lie the babe dey lie. I made that a priority.
You just come to Facebook and someone is actually talking about how women need to be controlled and you need to watch their spending and blah blah blah or how women with money are bad and cannot be faithful and honest or make good wives or girlfriends. That they will be proud and that they should even give up or hide their money, job and beauty so they can get a man. That is a narrow minded way to think. If there is no trust then go home and if you know for a fact that she is a bad woman, go home. Why stay where you know things are not alright? What are you punishing yourself for? Then tomorrow you will say she is not humble. It makes no sense. Say goodbye and walk away.
If however you are saying all this because it is just paining you that you have a woman who has gone far and you are not yet even on the starting block or know a woman who is clearly not in your class and it is paining you, uncle go and better yourself instead of looking for drama where it is action film showing.
I mean you walk into a cinema and choose a movie and they give a summary of the flick and genre. Would you not be called insane if you choose a romantic flick and then start to shout that no one has been shot and blown up? You go for the kind of woman that you know suits you and you can live with. Let others choose theirs and also have peace. No one appointed you as Chairman of The Choosing Women Committee. Some things are just not your business.
Note also that money does not make people bad. It only shows them for what they are and if she is not doing harm but you are already making noise, it is you that has the problem. Also, people acting proud and abusive because of money is not a woman thing. Don’t bring gender into it, please.
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