Don’t be enslaved: Why your desires matter in your relationship


Your desires are legitimate

Can we talk?

I want to remind you not to ever feel guilty for demanding the things you really desire from a relationship.

I learnt to do something, I wish I learnt it earlier. 
The moment I start considering a relationship with you, I always ask you what your expectations are.

I do this to know if your expectations are things I can fulfill.

I hate being in a relationship and feeling almost useless because you are not fulfilling your partners needs.

We don’t all have the same needs in relationships.

This is why it is important that you DISCUSS.

You don’t jump into a relationship. You walk into it. It doesn’t mean you are not in love, it means you are being realistic. What is the value of rushing into a relationship without proper investigation, only to jump out again?

It doesn’t make any sense.

When I tell you to use your head, it has nothing to do with manipulation.

After the impressionistic stage of every relationship, reality sets in. When it does, you would begin to see things you should have addressed but failed to.

Now, this is my point.

Proper attention, good sex, care, sensitivity, financial/moral support, fidelity etc are some of the needs you can have in a relationship. Personally, I know the things that I desire in a relationship. It is not a crime to have such desires.

They are legitimate. However, I found out that some partners would want to make you feel guilty for your desires.

I will tell you what it is. It is psychologically abusive.

They know they can’t fulfill your desires. Instead of letting you go or changing to meet up with your needs, they would begin to talk you down and humiliate you. They would make you feel that you were wrong about having such desires.

The aim is to enslave you.

Everyday you would see people who are enjoying what you are not enjoying and you would feel like being in their shoes. The moment you raise the issue, your partner would get angry and try to shut you up.

Let’s take attention for example. You want full attention. It is not a crime. You are entitled to it. If your partner cannot offer it to you, they should at least entreat you. It is wrong when they get angry because you are demanding their attention. Some are even going to say things to break you down psychologically, all in the bid to make you feel like your desires are evil.

Don’t fall for it. Your desires are legitimate. If you can’t find it where you are and you can’t survive without it, find your way. Relationship should thrive on mutual happiness.

Both parties ought to make themselves happy. You should never endure any relationship. It is not worth it. It is better you remain single and date yourself than to be dating someone and yet feel lonely and unfulfilled.

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