Love and 21st Century Feminism

black couple arguing

“We are equal in the relationship”. That single mindset which is sometimes a vocal statement has been the end of many promising relationships. It is deeply rooted in the desire to assume an already established social ideology of relationship control or oppose it.

As Africans, men have most, if not all the power/control; a position which is almost reversed in the west. As a result, you have African women complaining about the same thing Western men complain about.

For clarity, let me state that I think the idea of equality in a relationship is self deceptive at best. When you have two people looking to form a new entity out of two completely different and separate lives, there has to be a project manager. There is a natural religious order which assumes a heavy skew in favour of men and there is a modern movement looking to drag that in the opposite direction.

Above all, there are different individual and personal versions of both which people come up with to try and strike a balance, this is the way to go because the challenges, requirements and conditions of each relationship differs from the other.

There is a new trend being pushed by ladies who have the definition of feminism misunderstood. You hear words like career, independent, strong etc. And yes, these are not toxic words. As a matter of fact, these are very good words. But then you hear words like equality and independence, and you step on the brakes like hey! Are we still married here?!

There is no equality in marriage but hey, we can deceive ourselves or try to sound politically correct. It is simple: a marriage was not designed to be that. There is a man who heads and a woman who supports him through the leadership: a running mate.

The problem is that even men no longer respect the fact that there are limitations to the power. Wait, did I say no longer respect? We don’t even know! “This is what I want and so shall it be, I am the man of this house” (that sounds familiar, right?).

We forget that the ability to use power  wisely is a skill that demands more power than the actual power we are getting excited about. But after all is said and done, the mindset that a married woman is independent and equal to her husband is losing us homes similarly to how dictatorship is pulling the joy off others.

Article originally posted here:

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