The internet is a truly entertaining place


The internet is a truly entertaining place.

You may observe someone in the comments section of a lovely photo boldly remarking that the one photographed – a gorgeous woman (most probably unknown to them) – has worn too much make-up, and so she looks ghastly, repulsive, like an unspeakable scene from a horror flick. They will also add that they prefer a more natural look, and even point out that her hideous wig should be replaced with a naturally grown mane that smells of coconut oil and mountains. Depending on how deeply the used cosmetics have affected them; depending on how badly that contoured face and those eyeshadowed eyelids have stabbed and wounded their sweet, sweet soul, this guru may go on to elaborate that they can never even think of befriending, let alone dating, a woman who wears anything more than a slight dash of lipstick that can hardly be noticed. They may furiously type out their thoughts and feelings about the ugly foundation and the horrid eyeliner on behalf of their ilk, and as their self-appointed spokesperson, they will make it clear that make-up is nothing but a scam, and advise them to take any make-up’d woman for swimming on their first date to avoid any unpleasant surprises in future, to avoid getting fooled. Using that photo as an example, they will warn them that they would be shocked at the unsightly beast hiding underneath that cake of make-up. Should the one in the picture (or others) attempt to defend her facial honour, the preacher will assure her that they are not ‘hating’, that they just like keeping it real, that they are just voicing honest truths that no one else is courageous enough to express, and so she should stop being sensitive over nothing.

At the same time, just like me, this very same person; this very passionate and experienced one-man panel make-up judge and advocate, looks like a tragic accident. Like a frightening, award-winning Halloween costume. Like a fatal, shameful mistake. Like a dry, withered bit of snot stuck on a wall. They look as if they themselves need some of that despised make-up in their lives, because that natural look that they so dearly love doesn’t seem to do them any justice at all. In fact, upon further investigations, you may realize that make-up alone would not suffice, and that what would really help them would be a complete cosmetic surgery make-over.

Interestingly enough, you are likely to find this utterly good-looking Prince Charming camped in the chambers of the same grotesque, photographed woman’s inbox, telling her that she ‘looks waoh’; asking her where she is; what she does; if they can meet; then give their phone number lying that they are not usually on Facebook, so can she please hit them up on WhatsApp for a chat?

The internet is a truly entertaining place

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