Victor Ibeh’s Desk: my future father-in-law touched my butt! What should I do?

Cleveland Brown

Viva QuestionHello Victor,

Please I need help. I am engaged to guy and we are meant to be married in three months’ time. We have been planning and arranging our stuff. The problem is this: my fiancĂ© is an only child and his biological father is dead. His mother remarried but didn’t have another child for her present husband, because he is elderly and has other children from his first wife. My fiancĂ© is so close to his mother that he plans to remain in the family house after marriage. The implication is that we would be living together with his mother and step father.

This is not the main problem for me because we have been spending time there before now. Something happened last week that shook me. I was alone in the house with his step dad. My fiancé had gone to work and his mother was out visiting friends.

The step dad called me and requested that I help him recharge his phone. I was doing that when he suddenly stretched his hands and placed them on my butt. I was transfixed.

When I got myself, I screamed. I asked him the meaning of that and he told me to calm down. While I was trying to be respectful, he was already saying that he is not sure that my fiancĂ© can satisfy me in bed. He said I should try him and see what an older man’s manhood tastes like. I immediately dropped his phone and went back into the room. I left the house the next morning. Now, I didn’t tell my fiancĂ© because I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do. I need you to please counsel me on what to do.

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Viva AnswerIn the first place, you are not getting married to a family. Your intending marriage is to just one person. You are not “our wife”. That said, you have three options in this situation, but that would greatly be dependent on how you want to handle it. You can report the issue to your fiancĂ© and then watch what it would turn into. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that you won’t be at the receiving end, by the end of the day.

If this man is powerful in that home, there is every possibility that this could suddenly go against you. In that case you would become the villain instead of the victim.

  1. You can decide to walk out of that relationship and save yourself. Especially if the man would continue to harass and make your life uncomfortable. We already know how it plays out around here. The family would likely team-up against you. “Of course your father in law cannot be the guilty one.” You know what I mean!
  2. You can demand that your fiancĂ© gets an accommodation. I believe he is working and should be able to afford a suitable place; with your assistance. This is with the understanding that your in-laws’ house would not be very conducive for you. You are likely to be the pawn for everybody. Living with his family would bring in a lot of unhealthy influence to your marriage. It really is not worth it. Newlyweds ought to spend some time alone and try to understand and familiarise with each other. Living in the midst of other people would abort that process.

This experience is just one out of the many that would come. Think properly, and decide which option to follow. Whichever option you choose, remember that living with that man in the same building is never going to be in your favor. This is just a pointer to other things that would come.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!
Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Hello Victor, please I need your help. I am losing my mind. I’m a young graduate of 25 years. I have been dating a guy for two years now and we have planned to get married this year. He is supposed to come see my parents in a couple of months’ time. My problem is that he recently told me that he has a 7 year old child. The painful part is not that he told me, but he even threatened to break up if I’m not willing to accept the child. This is a man I have put my emotions in his hands, waking up to threaten me with his dishonesty. Please guide me with the right counsel.

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