Victor Ibeh’s Desk: Help! He wants me pregnant before marriage!

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Victor Ibeh Desk (3b)

Viva QuestionI have been dating a guy for three years now. We did our introduction two months ago. We are supposed to be doing our traditional marriage by next month as we originally planned. The problem now is that he is asking me to get pregnant for him first before we do the traditional marriage. He is the only child of his parents and his dad is late. According to him, his mother has been on his neck that he must get me pregnant as proof that I am fertile enough for him. She said she cannot afford to start searching for children at her old age, since he is her only child. I am scared that he might abandon me with the pregnancy if things go wrong. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I also love him so much, wouldn’t want to lose him.

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Viva AnswerYou have two options available to you in this situation. The first is to accept his proposal and get pregnant. Before you take that option though, I need you to know that he can abandon you with the child for any flimsy reason. When this happens you will be faced with not just a heart break but very challenging responsibility. From the point of conception to maturity, taking care of an individual is so much work. You need to consider the societal stigma attached to single motherhood, the financial implications, the emotional investment and the psychological imbalances that would come to you as a result of this one decision.

single mother - pregnancy

Also I need to remind you that getting pregnant is not one of the ways to keep a man. You could lose him even with his seed in your womb. It would be better to lose him without getting pregnant. Losing him with pregnancy will make your situation worse. It is not worth it.

The second option is to decline. To do this, you must have proper understanding that marriage is not a do-or-die affair. You must be willing to cope with loneliness in case you are unable to get another man early enough. Declining his offer, you risk a break up. You have to weigh your options well. Remember that in reality, nothing is guaranteed. You are not guaranteed that he will remain in your life after the pregnancy. You will be called names and insulted for refusing to get pregnant, but remember that it is better than an accidental single parenthood. The task is draining. I cannot tell you the exact thing to do. I would only ask you to make an informed decision.

Do you agree with Victor? What would you have advised? 

Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Dear Victor,

I am in a dilemma. I have been married for two years. My husband is a nice man and he has been trying his best to be the best of husbands to me. Before we got marred, his mother opposed the marriage claiming that I was older than her son and that she can’t allow him marry someone older than him. My husband stood his ground and we got married. I am just two years older. After we got married, I have been trying my best to show love and kindness to her. I have never used what she did against her.

My husband is hardworking but I earn more than him and I think his mother knows about it. I have been giving her financial gifts all along in order to be the good daughter in-law that I’m supposed to be. Recently, she asked me for a loan of 2 million naira. She claims she wants to use it for business and she would pay me back in 6 months. I asked her if she has told her son, she said no that she wants it to be between us. Here is the thing, I am worried. I don’t know if this is something I should be scared of. I really don’t know what it could turn into. Please, I need counsel.

Guys, let’s hear your thoughts! What do you think she should do?

 

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32 COMMENTS

  1. If d guy really mean to marry u he can.dat idea is nonsense.wat if u eventually got pregnant b4 marriage nd never did again or later lost d child but (God forbid)can he chase u away?.i tink d only tin he suppose to do if he s havin fear of any kind is to take u to hospital to certify u medically ok.just my opinion though

  2. Lemme tell u…. Getin pregnant b4 marriage is nt ryt weda u ar fertile or nt….. If u want to do any fertility text y dnt u consult a doctor nd pray to God….. On ur white wedding u wnt put on veil neither wil u put on white gown cuz it signifies purity nd u ar nt . Mind u it is nt ryt in d sight of God, so tink b4 u act.

  3. D question should be have u done it before, a guy cannot wake up and tell her wife to be get pregnant for him if he hv not try to get her pragnant before but to no avail,so my dear d choice is urs do anything possible to keep ur man.

  4. So u guys ar actualy telin her to get pregnate 4 him, wat wil happen if every guy start demandin their wife to be to get pregnate b4 marriage wat wil happen to d next generation wat legacy ar u layin 4 dem, u ar all respondin ‘y not’ so sin is nw a normal tin. Wat if she gets pregnate and after d marriage she is unable to get pregnate again d guy wil surely luk 4 another wife coz d marriage is nt built on luv but deception. U guys should try and use ur God given brain in advisin people

  5. If the foundation destroy what can righteousness do? God has told us to flee from idolatry especially youth. God also said if any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are? My sister if realy u have disturb the temple need to go alter of God for forgivess for eating the fruit at back with fasting cos the man already enjoyed it the bad inside only if you already abort another problem then check your family foundation have you people facing this kind of challenges in marriage but if the temple is not dishonour go to alter also with fasting the heart of man will come down to you if not.as God to give you heart of your heart bone of your bone. But if your heart is judging you my sister go to man of God to know if the man have another affair outside than disturb you. To said it all check yourself before decision with serious prayer. But if he already paid your pride price with all your family go to court dont made a mistake that u wl regret later.

  6. Fertility or no fertility?marriage is honorable n bed undefiled. V sn couple gettin pregnant b4 weddin n after d wedding d pregnancy spoilt n till now no issue. Pray if he is for u he will agree wit u n if otherwise he’ll leave.d parent was thinkin fertility y don’t dey v more children?children r d heritage of God n He gives to who pleases Him

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