Victor Ibeh’s Desk: is there a right way to ask a woman about her age?

asking a lady her age

Viva QuestionHello prof! It’s quite a while, I have been so busy. I need you to help me out with this. I have known long before now that it is not polite to ask a lady of her AGE. But in what ways can said age be known by the male friends? Or friends who want to become something more? Also, if we ask a lady and she then lies, how do we handle the false age declaration? Does it affect friendship? Should it affect the friendship? Thanks, sir.

LOL, frying pan to fire o!


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Viva AnswerThere is nothing wrong in asking anybody their age. It sometimes depends on the type of lady that is your friend. That shouldn’t be a problem. Some ladies are shy about their age. Though, in reality, it is just a kind of conditioning. They have been conditioned to feel embarrassed about telling their age.

However, the most important consideration should be your reason for asking. Do you want to ask just for asking or because you have romantic interests? What is your disposition to age differences?

Personally, I ask ladies their age. I know the age of every lady that is my friend. And I do it politely and directly too. I don’t beat around the bush. But I have to prove by my attitude, that there is nothing sinister about my question. That it is just motivated by sheer curiosity and a desire to know my friend better. I don’t judge anybody based on age.

You should know that ladies have this desire to always look attractive and acceptable. We have a structure that makes it look like age diminishes a lady’s worth. So, in order not to be a victim of such bias, you see ladies hiding or manipulating their ages. When a lady knows that you are honourable, telling you her age wouldn’t be an issue. This also would be dependent on her personality, exposure and level of intelligence.

I would advise that you approach it with caution, because all ladies are not the same. There is no one-shoe-fits-all method to asking a woman her age. Just understand your friend and ask politely. You can ask directly or playfully or start by telling her your age. But endeavour to establish, either expressly or through implied means, that age is not a serious issue to you and that it doesn’t trigger your bias.

As to knowing the right age, I can’t guarantee you that. This is because it is exclusively within her power to say what she wants. Her answer would also be dependent on a couple of factors. Experiences, sentiments, knowledge and personality would play a vital role in the answer she gives to you. Finally, whatever answer she gives to you as her age, shouldn’t be the basis of judging her character. It doesn’t show that she is not deserving of your friendship, especially if she gives a false age. Don’t judge her with it.

Which is why you shouldn’t pay much attention to her age. I ask people their age, but it means nothing to me. I ask to know, not to judge. If she gives a false age, don’t let it bother you. From what I have written above, you can deduce that a lot of factors can a make a lady lie about her age. This is to prepare you. Understand, that fear, shame, disappointment and some other factors can make a woman falsify her age. Men do too. It shouldn’t affect your friendship. Remember you won’t be cooking with her age. It is strictly for knowledge.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!
Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Brother, please I’d like to relate this with you! I don’t really like bugging anyone with my problems to avoid pity. I understand the fact that everybody one way or the other passes thru the travails of life. But I think this is affecting me.

Now my problem is this: I find it hard opening up to certain people. I mean immediate family and some close friends Family have not really helped me; I’ve been on my own gradually doing my thing. Even my woman, when I face some difficulties, I keep it all to myself, mostly when it has to do with finance.

I’m this type of guy that believes he should be a provider and not the other way round, though support is allowed when your woman understands you. I don’t ask, let it not look like I’m living on a woman’s funds. So I devise means to do it. The truth is, I no longer know who to even ask for help even if I were to open up, because I hate insult…and those willing to help don’t have! I’m beginning to think it’s affecting me. How do I overcome this? It weighs me down at times that I become so unsure of myself.

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