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I have been dating this lady for about 13 months. Every time I come to her house I see a little boy in her house that calls her Aunty. She told me he is her nephew. Her parents and siblings have been playing along all the while I visited. Last week, her very close friend requested to see me. I met with her in an eatery and she disclosed to me that my supposed fiancée is the mother of that boy. Victor, I was distraught. I called her and she confessed that he is indeed her son. She told me that she was scared of losing me and so she decided to lie about it. I am confused at this point. I love her so much but I’m worried because I don’t know other things she has lied to me about. How can I feel safe with her as a wife if she could connive with her family to lie to me? Please help me. I need counsel!
I agree that she lied to you and probably gave you a false sense of security. However, I want you to know that sometimes you have to focus on the motive behind an action. Not all wrong actions are motivated by a wrong motive. The best of intentions can lead to harm. This is about your personal life and you possess the prerogative of pardon. Her offence is not one that cannot be pardoned. If you look into her action, you would see that she didn’t do it to harm you. She lied out of fear.
What fear? There is a stigma attached to single mothers in our society. Unlike some other ladies, she didn’t abandon her son. She is actively involved in his life. Some ladies would abandon their children totally in their bid to get a man. But in this case she didn’t. She was only worried that you may not accept her and her son. Since she has parents who can take care of him, she was willing to leave him totally in their care. What matters most was to have a good upbringing and certainly his grandparents could guarantee him that.
When you consider the shame attached to single mothers in our society, you would understand the predicament of this lady. She loves you, no doubt. People can go any length to keep a person they love. In what way did her lie cause you harm? None actually. It is a fear motivated lie, not fraud motivated. Considering this, it won’t be difficult to pardon her if you really love her that much.
If I were in your shoes, I won’t judge her with this because I would understand where she is coming from and what has motivated her to lie to me. If you love her despite this and still want to go ahead with her, I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Give her the opportunity to tell you everything she must have hidden out of fear. She would love you dearly for empathising with her.
Remember this is not a rule. I am giving you this counsel because you love her, even if you decide to let her go because of this, you will end up being unhappy. Your heart lies with her, and when love is present, offences are easily forgiven. You have nothing to fear about her. Give her a chance.
Do you agree with Victor? What would you have advised?

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Dat her friend is a stupid friend,if u love go ahead,d reason she dnt want to tell u is dat she love u and she dnt want to lose u for another woman’s
We must not encourage lies should have said the truth to avoid gossips if one loves you he has loved you.
though your girlfriend made a mistake by not t
Telling you the truth but her friend is a gossiper and I think she is jealous of her friend
Ehya…
Bros if truly luv her go ahead do nt let her go
Pls if u love her no matter what go for her
abeg wentin concern dat her friend? gud riddance to bad rubbish.
abeg wentin concern dat her friend? gud riddance to bad rubbish.
And So Wat? If U Love Her, Wat Concerns U Nd Dat Stupid Information?
Love don’t care
She supose to tell him d truth innicially to avoid probs nd too dat her friend is nt a gud friend rather d bad type……she is nt d one dat supose to tell him
My dear if u rili luv her u Wil Nt listen to outside talk beside her frnd is simply been jealous. Guy person wen don born dem no dey marry am abeg carry go jor make her frnd been ashamed k
No one is above mistake k
beware of fwnds
Why would she lie about her son, she suppose to be proud of that boy any man that doesn’t like it should fuck off. After all they said a bird at hand worths more than millions in the bush. As for that her aproco friend, bad friend, enemy of progress, blocking storm . Na so someone else too will use her reggae spoil her blues, amibo!
Her friend ehn…..
She don dey eye you since.
Anyways, love don’t care.
You’ve known the motive behind the lies. The stigma is too much on single mothers. Forgive her jareh
Please forgive her don’t mind her.Your baby is good to go.Carry go!
Please if you luv her with all ur heart dnt mind that her friend because dat her friend like you just go ahead and marriage de girl
Ehe so what?
MY DEAR IF U TRUELLY LOVE HER THAT WILL NOT STOP U, TO BE HONEST SHE SUPPOSE TELL U DI TRUTH BUT DI DEED HAS BEEN DONE 4GIVE HER AND GO 4 UR LOVE MAK HER KNW DAT U STILL LOVE HER SON I BELT U SHE WILL LOVE U MORE KNWING THAT U LOV HER SON THAT IS THE JOY OF EVERY WOMAN.SO GO GO AND GET UR LOVE. TNKS
Don’t really knw wat to say BT take heart bro
And for u pple DAT says d word if u truly Luv her u re just living in a world of romance novel.come to face wit reality and b in DAT broda shoes
He should please forgive her. I think single moth.er will not remain in emotional isolate
He should please forgive her. I think single mother will not remain in emotional isolation just bcos dey made a mistake
Such is not any easy thing to disclose especially when a woman isn’t yet sure of where the relationship is heading. That she hadn’t told you didn’t mean that she never wanted to. She just had to grow more balls and confidence. She has an evidence of her pregnancy. What of her girlfriend who may have aborted hers. That her girlfriend is such as snitch.
Put that her friend to shame, confront her, let her know her friend told you, even if you finally break up. Help her get rid of that evil friend. The friend would have rather encouraged her to tell you the truth rather than coming to tell you. Two. If you can forgive her, please do and warn her never to tell lies again.
She wanted to be sure of your relationship with her before telling you bcoz if she tells you at d earlier stage u will leave her. As for d girlfriend that told you, she wants you to leave your woman n follow her. The girl that had a child is far better than the one throwing her own in the gutter or is she not playing ball.
She did not do well by hiding the truth from you but probably she was afraid of losing you that was why she hid the truth. Confront her and ask her why did hid the truth.She may have a genuine reason.
What she did was wrong, please call her ask her why did she lie, after all, forgive her and move on, that her friend is evil, she should avoid her in future
Bad fellow what concerns her if she is mother people with evil voice my dear pls don’t let her stupid and jealous friend of hers change your mind she wants you to turn to her and marry which is not possible
This shouldnt be an issue nowadays
Awon ore osi, awon tuletule ore, eke is my hobby….ok, oga abeg forgive ya gurl and give her another chance, biko. Tanku.