I have been dating this lady for about 13 months. Every time I come to her house I see a little boy in her house that calls her Aunty. She told me he is her nephew. Her parents and siblings have been playing along all the while I visited. Last week, her very close friend requested to see me. I met with her in an eatery and she disclosed to me that my supposed fiancée is the mother of that boy. Victor, I was distraught. I called her and she confessed that he is indeed her son. She told me that she was scared of losing me and so she decided to lie about it. I am confused at this point. I love her so much but I’m worried because I don’t know other things she has lied to me about. How can I feel safe with her as a wife if she could connive with her family to lie to me? Please help me. I need counsel!
I agree that she lied to you and probably gave you a false sense of security. However, I want you to know that sometimes you have to focus on the motive behind an action. Not all wrong actions are motivated by a wrong motive. The best of intentions can lead to harm. This is about your personal life and you possess the prerogative of pardon. Her offence is not one that cannot be pardoned. If you look into her action, you would see that she didn’t do it to harm you. She lied out of fear.
What fear? There is a stigma attached to single mothers in our society. Unlike some other ladies, she didn’t abandon her son. She is actively involved in his life. Some ladies would abandon their children totally in their bid to get a man. But in this case she didn’t. She was only worried that you may not accept her and her son. Since she has parents who can take care of him, she was willing to leave him totally in their care. What matters most was to have a good upbringing and certainly his grandparents could guarantee him that.
When you consider the shame attached to single mothers in our society, you would understand the predicament of this lady. She loves you, no doubt. People can go any length to keep a person they love. In what way did her lie cause you harm? None actually. It is a fear motivated lie, not fraud motivated. Considering this, it won’t be difficult to pardon her if you really love her that much.
If I were in your shoes, I won’t judge her with this because I would understand where she is coming from and what has motivated her to lie to me. If you love her despite this and still want to go ahead with her, I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Give her the opportunity to tell you everything she must have hidden out of fear. She would love you dearly for empathising with her.
Remember this is not a rule. I am giving you this counsel because you love her, even if you decide to let her go because of this, you will end up being unhappy. Your heart lies with her, and when love is present, offences are easily forgiven. You have nothing to fear about her. Give her a chance.
Do you agree with Victor? What would you have advised?
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