Viva Guest Contributions: MORE THAN A RING AND TITLE by Dotun Fadairo

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Guest Contributions Featured ImageDear readers,

I am afraid I have been thinking again.

Well technically this is a thought that came to my mind several months ago. It simmered for a bit and then receded into the background but recent discussions on Facebook have brought it to the fore again and I am now going to share it.

Please note as always that these are purely my thoughts and I do not consider myself an expert on the subject.

Here we go…

Several months ago, I found myself thinking about how whenever a girl or young lady in my nation is corrected by her parents or guardians, it is always done in view of her eventual marriage. For example:

“Chinwe look how dirty your room is! Is this how you will handle your home?!”

“Rebecca this your arrogance and tongue will drive away your husband” 

“You need to learn how to do domestic chores so that you can be a good wife to your husband”

And so on.

Now I am pretty sure that some of these statements are made with good intentions but in view of how the WOMAN is perceived and treated in my country, I cannot help but ask:

Why should a girl’s upbringing be done solely in view of her getting married?

Why correct her only with eventual marriage in mind? Why not correct her simply because SHE is deserving of better?

Does her worth and value as a person lie only in whether she has a ring and a title?

Dear reader, I don’t know about you but I am of the candid opinion that there is a certain backward thinking that ties all that a woman is to whether she is married or not. A thinking that declares that the success of a woman is in her being MRS and MAMA and I see the statements above as being the result of such thinking.

bridal gown dress black and whiteThe repercussions of this are many and dire. Young ladies conditioned to see themselves as little or nothing without the “YES” of a man and as result, the critical foundation of self-love is never laid.

Young girls striving to confirm to the image of “an ideal wife” and because of this, dreams are jettisoned, opinions are silenced and insight and intelligence is dumbed down just to sync with this “ideal”

Young ladies programmed to look for their salvation in men. To be the damsel in distress, the princess waiting for her prince, whereas the key to her own happiness, fulfilment and joy has always been in her hands.

Women taught to submit their individuality for the coveted ring and title and to not only accept it but rejoice in it

I believe that this needs to die

I believe that every woman is an individual with a voice to be heard, an opinion to be expressed and dreams to be made flesh. Her world is more than a marriage and family.

I believe that such backward thinking, rather than creating strong stable marriages only leads to a weak form of it. For a marriage should be between two individuals who know themselves and are complementing each other on their personal growth and development and NOT where one person seeks value and worth in another person or institution

My counsel (if you choose to accept it) is this:

Woman, know thyself. Discover who you are. You are more than a ring and a title. For some ladies it will take a major shock to the system (infidelity, abuse, divorce, death) for them to realise that their individuality beyond marriage and family. You need not wait for this. Pay attention to your dreams. Lay hold and go for them. Yes the society has not made it convenient for you but do not let that stop you. You are strong and well able. Live and be fulfilled. Fulfilled people make fulfilled marriages anyway.

For those women who are already on this path and are on the receiving end of all kinds of opposition, I hail and applaud you all. Do not look back. People will always have their opinions but it has nothing on you. Go forward, take up your sword and carve out your own piece of heaven.

Bless you and thank you for reading.


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