Nigeria does have bigger problems than Pretty Mike Uno, but small fish must be fried too

Lagos State Police has arrested club owner and socialite, Mike Nwogu aka Pretty Mike Uno aka Dog Walker Extraordinaire for dehumanising young women. I saw the news of the arrest and I thought “Bloody good show! We cannot be seen to be letting people get away with chaining other people. Even if they don’t look like they are under duress.”

One of the requirements of the Law is that he not repeat the act, and he’s signed an undertaking to this effect:

“I, Mike Eze Nwalie, A.K.A Pretty Mike of 21A Magodo GRA, Luma Street, do hereby undertake to stop whatever act of putting girls on a leash or any other degrading treatment to ladies and guys.

“I’m aware that such act offends the law of the State of Lagos and if I repeat it again, there will be legal act towards me. I undertake to issue a letter of apology to the public effective from tomorrow on all my social media platforms.”

I’m bemused that we have to tell a 30-year-old that this is in poor form, but okay; so far so no-lele. What really perplexed me was how people responded to the arrest. Many said it was his life, his money and he didn’t seem to be hurting anyone. Certainly the girls did not seem to be under duress nor were they complaining to anyone.

Nigerians will never cease to amaze me. We talked almost all through 2016 about Bobrisky and his imaginary bae. We will lose our God-given minds over what one young man does to his own skin. Nigerians will literally burn gay people while they sleep in their beds; heap fire and brimstone on their heads, both physically and metaphorically.

But let a man subjugate a woman? Nah, nothing new here. Nothing to see here. Let’s keep it movin’ folks. A man with a woman on a chain? Two women on chains? “Obe to dun, owo lo pa” – soup wey sweet, na money kill am. We’re filthy.

Look, this is how I feel. I don’t know if tie-necking a woman is legal or not; if it is illegal, then the odious book 50 Shades of Grey has a lot to answer for. But if it were ever possible for someone to be hauled up in front of the Law for gross misconduct, that person would undoubtedly have to be Petty Pretty Mike Uno.

Just because you can afford to do something does not mean that you should. When a person is hungry/greedy (pick your poison), they will agree to just about anything. They will even find a way to justify it and say it was their idea the whole time or it is just fine by them.

But you, the purse-holder must still show some modicum of home-training. And we must hold ourselves to higher standards. If we, as society, say “If the price is agreeable, then let him go ahead,” then what’s to stop Pretty Mike from riding a girl like a donkey at the next owambe? Or maybe just getting a herd of them to carry him on a rafter atop their shoulders like some rancid Pharaoh-wannabe?

For the right price, you will probably find someone to do just about anything you want. It falls to us as sane, responsible adults to say “Not in our name, not on our watch, and not on our turf“.

Another response that’s been making the rounds is that the Police should occupy themselves with weightier issues; matters such as public safety. This is logic that is completely lost on me. Did the entire Lagos State Police Force assemble to arrest one ‘dog breeder’? It takes two people to arrest one person. The rest of the force typically carry on with their brief, be that arresting people or collecting bribes, depending on what shift they’re working that day. #Shade

The dehumanisation of women seems to be a battle that Nigeria does not quite know how to tackle just yet. Even the most liberal of Nigerians sometimes stumble as to what equality is and/or basic human rights.

So, to Mike Uno and all the young men who aspire to owning kennels, even if the girl says “Woof woof,” because she’s seen your fat wallet, don’t be a prick and put a leash on her. Nobody likes a prick.