Still on the Valentine’s Day matter: No chocolates or teddy bears but Viva Naija will present Seven Sexy Stories!

I do not care much for Valentine’s Day. I’m not a fan of the forced romance, the half-wilted roses that the man had to buy at twice the price it normally is, the uncomfortable seats by the toilet at the restaurant because it’s packed out by couples forming “I love you,” the cliche gifts and just the…tedium of the whole thing.

I think that celebrating love shouldn’t be limited to one day. I would be happier if you actually remembered to pick up the bottle of milk on the way home like I asked you to rather than some smelling flowers that you probably bought at the Texaco petrol garage anyway. I also think it is a Hallmark excuse to spend money and there is no authenticity to the day.

A friend of mine once argued that having a day to celebrate something is important. The same way way Christians celebrate Easter even though they are aware that Jesus died all year round.

That’s as may be. But I still think Valentine’s Day is nonsense.

Also, I think men engage in the foolishness because A) it keeps their women happy, and B) happiness may lead to sex. Which is what we’re all in it for anyway, I assume?

So why spend all that money, leave your house and go out just in the hope of doing something you need to be indoors to do anyway? (Freaks and freakesses, do it outside if you like, sha don’t call me for bail money if you get arrested. Ashewo pipo).

So…in the spirit of inciting you all to some sexual abandonment and blatant filthy behaviour this Valentine’s Day, Viva Naija will be presenting seven stories starting on the 8th Feb and getting spent* on the 14th.

We wee not do anything chocolates or red wine, instead we will encourage grabbing her by the…and then going to the…and maybe later trying that…

Plix. If your spirit mind ain’t here for it, then feel free to lean back. If you don’t have a boo, or your boo get a boo, Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday. Go to church, attend first, second and third service followed by cell group meeting and leave road for others to get their freak on.

But judging by how many of y’all read 50 Shades of (because e get money you go gree mek man tie-neck you), I’m sure you’ll cope just fine with our stories.

So, this is our friendly Public Service Announcement. Consider yourselves told. Tainz a bunsh.

*see what I did there? Lol, no worry no be me go write dem; dem go be betta tori!