That wonderful, life-affirming moment when a burn is so pure, so complete, so beautiful that you read it; and then you go make a nice sandwich and a cup of coffee so you can come back to re-read and enjoy every last witty word.
That is what I experienced today when I read this man’s post on migration. Turning every prejudice about immigration and land/job/resource grabbing on its head, 33 year old South-African, Emlyn Pearce, fired off a stinging Facebook post that showed the silliness of immigration in poetic satire.
He starts off by saying “Emigration is completely out of control in this country, and I’m sick of it….” and I just BET the Daily Fail readers all pulled up their chairs in rapt attention thinking this is gonna be excellent!
Yes, it was excellent, but oh boy, not for the reasons they thought at all!
Emigration is completely out of control in this country, and I’m sick of it. I’m not staying quiet any more. You can’t walk down a street in Jamaica or Hong Kong or India without hearing someone speaking English, and in Canada and Australia we have even introduced our own legal system, decimated local communities and installed our own head of state! DISGUSTING! English has now been imposed as the official language of 57 sovereign countries! FIFTY SEVEN!!! What the hell? Who do we think we are?! And the government is doing nothing: any British person can just pack their bags and go and live anywhere in the world at ANY TIME and nobody in the British government will do anything to stop them.
If I wanted to, I could just get on a plane to Germany tomorrow, get a job in their booming economy and live there for the rest of my life! My parents could up and retire to Spain or Portugal at a moment’s notice! Why should we have that right? It’s political correctness gone mad! (And it’s also probably, somehow, part of the war on Christmas, and health and safety and women thinking it’s ok to wear comfortable, unsexy clothing.)
The figures speak for themselves:
1,300,000 Britons live in Australia; 761,000 in Spain; 678,000 in the USA; 603,000 in Canada; 291,000 in Ireland (11,200 of whom are drawing unemployment benefit from the Irish state), and even 8,500 in Mexico and 7,100 in Kuwait! We’re literally EVERYWHERE! I bet there’s at least one branch of Greggs in the Falklands.
We need to close our borders immediately before the situation gets even worse for everyone else. We are sleepwalking into a nightmare where a third of the world will be overrun by the British! AGAIN!
EDIT: To all of you really hench army guys sending me hate mail for writing this: I am gay, and I will furiously pleasure myself to your profile picture. Just so you know.
Perfection. Just perfection. Every last word.
Read all of his words here:
Get more stuff like this
in your inbox
Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.
Thank you for subscribing.
Something went wrong.