Dascha Polanco, that bandage dress, body confidence and the New Sexy

Dascha Polanco Feature

Yup, you’re right; I’d never heard the name Dascha Polanco before yesterday either. Wikipedia came through for me like a gangsta though as I thought I would need the background info in order to write the story but nope, for this article, let’s just do a little ogling, shall we, folks?

So Ms Polanco of Orange is the New Black came through at the  ’50 Most Beautiful’ People en Español party looking all kinds of SEXY in a white bandage dress:

Dascha Polanco

Wait, I don’t think y’all heard me the first time so I’m gonna say this one mo’ ‘gain:

Dascha Polanco angles


I mean, I think she just absolutely kills it. The only thing I would change is the Superman pant she chose to wear. A white tube around her lower regions would have been much more flattering, but that is a minor minor. For me, the boob-waist=bum-hip ratio is everything they have been telling us about Latina women and I am here for it.

Some people have a problem with the dress and think it’s trashy or low-rent. I have read comments about “when you’re dating a doctor and he runs out of bandage” to one Facebook comment saying “Looks like she had a fight with a roll of toilet paper.” I’m not gonna lie, I laughed like a thing possessed but I still think she slayed in this dress.

When you’re in the limelight like that, you’re pushed further and further to look sexy and if this is her style then let her own it like a queen. I doubt she would wear this to Sainsburys to pick up the weekly shop so let her have a moment in the sun. Lord knows ain’t nobody else talking about no one else from that party and she wore the hell out of that dress, so who really won? Dascha Polanco did o!

Oh, you still ain’t sure? May I present Exhibit C, your honours:

Dascha Polanco vs Daniela Di Giacomo

Same event, same dress, two different shapes. The lady on the right, Daniela Di Giacomo, whilst certainly rocking the bum tube I wish Dascha would have worn, leaves me feeling distinctly underwhelmed. Dascha on the other hand makes me want to bite into something – and I am neither hungry nor thinking about switching teams this late in the game.

My whole point is that Dascha Polanco’s confidence was on high voltage that night and you couldn’t tell her NOTHIN’ about no “This dress is inappropriate” or “This is not the preferred look for public consumption.” She didn’t come out to be a wallflower or blend into the background and that sort of confidence is so appealing, so sexy that it cannot be ignored.

There are some curvy women that when you see them, fat go hungry you. You’ll be like “I need to get with my carbs and proteins because this is clearly the future” in just the same way that some slender women will make you bemoan being born in a country where eba and egusi won’t allow somebody to be great.

Wait, lemme show you sontin. Batting for Team #OroboIsBae, may I give you Mis Jill Scott:


See boobage of destiny. Breasteses of laive. Figure of the future. Choi.

Meanwhile, batting for Team #LepaOrIDie, check out Taraji P. Henson:

taraji p henson

See ehn, if I eat eba again in this life ehn, call me bastard. See babe! See cutie! In short, I kent shout. Choi!

Ladies, whatever shape you have; tall, short, skinny, slim, athletic, curvy or just downright fat; embrace it and dress to suit your shape. No matter what you look like, there’s someone out there that that is EXACTLY their poison, exactly what they like.

Be smart.
Be like Dascha Polanco


Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

Leave a Reply