If the picture of a naked child upsets you, maybe it’s YOU who has a problem with sex

“The child is too old to be naked” No, he’s not. Stop projecting your own issues with sex onto children. It’s not about the kid; it’s entirely about you. The truth is many of us adults grow up having too many issues with sex & body image. And that becomes how we see everything – via that lens. A father kisses his daughter on the lips? Incest alert! Pervert alert! Grandfather gives his daughter a bath? Incest alert! Paedophile alert! Same sex cartoon characters kiss? Major freak out! “What are the children going to think?” Don’t worry about it. They’re probably more concerned with their favourite character’s next line. The chances are, the children you’re so concerned about didn’t notice a thing. And if they did, they didn’t interpret it in the way you did.

The concern for actual paedophiles online – those who take photos on children and possibly masturbate to them – is of course a real and valid one. The anonymity that social media makes it possible for all kinds of people to have access to all kinds of materials. Such that, a person who preys on children may not necessarily only be interested in photos of naked children. That’s like thinking a rapist is only ever turned on by nudity. For the record, one’s state of undress doesn’t have much to do with it. Not to mention that there are some degree of security risks to the children when pictures of them are out in the open, whatever it is they are wearing – or not wearing. So, let us move the lens a bit away from images online and come right home.

Because, while we are majoring on the minor, what really is happening to the children close to us? The ones we really have impact on? The ones we are raising or helping to raise? What is happening is that we don’t give them any sex education. We aren’t teaching them about body integrity & their right to privacy. We may even be forcing them to hug that uncle or aunty they clearly don’t want to. When we see the child touching himself/herself, an opportunity that should be maximised & converted to a heart to heart talk, do we use the time to explain how the body works? Not many do. Instead, we beat the child, cuss ’em, and in extreme cases drag this innocent child to deliverance. Humiliate him/her for doing something that absolutely normal.

P.S: If you come upon your child touching himself/herself, please do not freak out. However, if you suspect abuse, by all means, investigate. But do not start shouting at the child and demanding to know who the culprit is. This will only frighten the child, and potentially close the channel of communication. If there is no abuse going on, but if you still want to discourage the action, be gentle and patient in weaning your child off it. Don’t give him or her a complex for no reason.

Byline:

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