Sex, like death, is inevitable, so why don’t we talk about it?


Except you are impotent or, well, dead. This is a certain part of life that we refuse to embrace.

I have seen sex mess up a lot of things. I have also had close calls with sexual scandals. Growing up, I had raging hormones that nobody was willing to talk about.

But you know what? I discovered that like hunger, sex was everywhere. Practically littering every street corner. Incest, rape, infidelity, church and political scandals. Some of the greatest wars of this world have been rooted in an inordinate desire for skin.

Someone once accused me of being lewd in my stories. I am sure they cringe every time they see the kind of fiction I write. Like “Butterfly Had a Boner” “To be Naked and God.” I mean! What right-thinking Christian would write such vulgar stories!

Listen, we have been too quiet about simple principles such as abstinence, taking care to have sex with only those we love and are willing to make sacrifices for, and being mature enough to bear the responsibility of sexual intercourse. We don’t talk about contraceptives and why they are a better alternative to accidental pregnancies and the stressful dilemma of pro-life vs pro-choice.

I believe my son should be aware that he has a choice to decide where, when and with whom he has sex. I will not turn a blind eye to the fact that he has an erection every morning. Neither will I pretend that because he goes to church then he has no desires to find a mate. He is as sexually virile as any other struggling young adult and should have every opportunity to have detailed conversations with adult, seasoned people about his sexual life.

I believe that in the multitude of counsel is safety. I am as sexual a being as I am a spiritual human. This means that if I pray for abstinence, I should also pray and talk about every other alternative that comes to mind when my flesh decides to play me like ping pong. We all know the flesh plays us, so why should we ignore the wisdom of being safe even while doing the biddings of the flesh?

Sometimes, you don’t have a condom, so you decline sex being offered to you. Sometimes, God uses this decision to save you from having sex with the wrong person. While you are looking for the right shop to buy the condoms and taking a thousand buses to the farthest pharmacy from your church area, you get a chance to rethink and stop. Other times, you are in the steaming encounter of kisses and caresses and you remember that you have a responsibility to the child that comes from your five minutes of fame. These are the reasons we need to talk about sex.

Whether you like it or not, sex is there. It is happening or not happening to every one of us, it is glaring and the statistics do not lie. Africa is not overpopulated by fairies and fantasies; we all are involved.

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