The first book I wrote, I wrote it in Bini and showed it to my dad.
The guy swore I copied it from somewhere and it was impossible I was the one that wrote it. I think it was a story or a collection of short stories.
You see, my dad loves the Bini language so much that he organised classes for kids during one holiday period like that. All his friends brought their kids including those who were born and bred in Obodoyibo.
I remember writing another book inspired by an act of Jesus in the Bible, but threw aside the manuscript and kept getting embarrassed about it that I didn’t let people read it and those who did, I didn’t believe them when they told me it was great.
I remembered this experience with my dad when I kept asking myself why I kept having this sinking feeling whenever I started to write a book I’ve had in my heart to write. This is a book I’m sure will benefit male and female alike but somehow it’s either I’m subconsciously postponing or dreading the task. This experience showed me where my issue was probably rooted in.
As a child, the seed of self doubt was deeply planted in me that it spilled into every area of my life. That’s what you get from having overly critical parents and a highly sensitive nature matched with a very creative spirit -because naturally, creatives are very sensitive to harsh words and criticisms. I sing well or so I’ve been told, but I didn’t trust my voice. Even my writing came with a lot of doubts.
I shared my story because many of us are stuck in limbos we cannot explain. Most of us wish our pasts away but they’re so significant that if you don’t take time to analyse your experiences and their effects on your present reality, you may someday unravel in ways even you cannot comprehend.
It’s called ‘Self awareness’ and it’s a strong leadership trait one that must be cultivated if you want to excel in life. We all are products of nature and nurture and the habits and compulsive behaviours we exhibit are usually tethered to early childhood training and experiences.
Two short stories -life experiences- one was a young lady who was grew to sit amongst the Board members of a particular organisation. There was a move to transfer her and it caused a lot of rancour within the board members and it turned into a heated argument. She simply put in her resignation letter and left the Company to the amazement of everyone. This wasn’t the first time this was happening. When traced, it was discovered that coming from a family that has a lot of fights and quarrels, as a child she would hide in a dark corner just to “escape the scene”. This metamorphosed into becoming her method of dealing with tension, walk away.
Another was a young pastor who kept going from church to church, starting monumental building projects that made the churches run into huge debts and then he left the Church. One day, an exasperated Senior Pastor stopped him in his tracks and asked, “Why do you do this?” When traced, it was discovered that he had a father that didn’t believe in him and so subconsciously, he had been trying all his life to prove himself. See how profound this thing really is?
Most of us have certain compulsive behaviours, negative habits, fears, overwhelming actions deeply rooted in our childhood experiences with our parents especially because they represent the strongest authority figures we had growing up. Now you understand why a man with children still does things that hurt his family all because he wants his Mother’s validation? A child who kept working for approval from his/her parents will always seek validation from authority figures in their life be it Teachers, Pastors etc. See why some women are so attached to their Pastors?
This is why I don’t agree with the saying “When you say I can’t, I will prove to you that I can”. That’s erroneous. You are not obliged to living your life just to prove to people that “You can” because while doing so, you may be unhappy and frustrated but because that need ‘to prove yourself’ is deeply rooted in your subconscious, you will always be slave to trying to dash the negative expectations of people, that my friend is bondage. Some of us even use social media as a means to feed our cravings for validation instead of dealing with the real issue within us. The downside is that you will always be at the mercy of other people’s approvals and opinions.
My dear, no one deserves that much power over you. Some of us are so bound that we are subconsciously trying to please a partner/person who treats us badly, or who is no longer in our lives. While some of us are subconsciously punishing others for the wrongs of one person that went through our life. Being in a Country like Nigeria where there’s so much legal child abuse both verbal, physical and sexual, a lot of adults are caught up in the web this menace has woven into their lives.
It’s the need for self awareness that prompts this article; it is the only thing that can truly liberate you and free you to live life to your highest potentials. Take your time and dig deep, find out what’s holding you back, trace the root of your fears, face the deepest darkens that’s limiting your brightness, sometimes it might just be a negative belief system you’ve come to accept as your reality. i.e. If you were told you are dull, or no-good as a child, chances are that you’ve unconsciously ingrained it as truth and when certain unpleasant things happen, instead of taking it in stride & bouncing back with renewed hope and zeal, you will breakdown in defeat because that experience has reinforced your belief that you’re indeed, no-good.
I really wish I could explain this topic in full. However, I wish you true liberation because it’s only a man who has truly liberated his soul that is capable of working wonders and sustaining it till the end.
Get more stuff like this
in your inbox
Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.
Thank you for subscribing.
Something went wrong.