Sometimes, they’re not right for you. Move ON!


Years ago, I met this lady online that I got to know personally and really liked. She’s got a wonderful figure, lovely smile and is born again. This also got a job, loves her family and is looking to settle down. She’s not perfect mind you, no one is. Still, I liked her and back then I liked her enough to want to ask her out.

Remember I said I’d gotten to know her and this was outside of Facebook so this wasn’t some online fantasy romance I was trying to create, but after a while I noticed things about her I wasn’t very OK with and I pressed and found out she wasn’t exactly interested in stopping them.

Now me, I am not delusional or a kid. I am not looking for perfection, but when I spot a red herring I want to know what it is and where it’s “going”. See, I’ve been in relationships before. I’m the last person who will jump in when something looks odd. There are some things I am never going to put myself through for anyone in this life.

Eventually I let the relationship idea go and she was none the wiser. I was not going to do missionary dating where I try to change her. Personally, I don’t believe in that glob. I prefer to date who I see issues with and I’m still willing to try.
That is to say even if she doesn’t change much or at all over those things I believe I can still live with that, and not that I’m forcing myself to swallow stuff just to be married and have plenty sex.

But mehn the sex for make sense oooohhhh! Chai!
Ok wait.
What was I saying again?
Oh right.

I didn’t date her but I didn’t abuse and mock her either. We disagreed and she behaved badly but I didn’t insult and condescend to her saying stuff like;

“I can’t marry someone like you. You’re too -”
“No wonder you’re still single!”
“Look at you! Your mates are getting married and you’re here proving stubborn.”
“Listen, I was going to ask you out but you’re not good enough and humble for my taste.”

I didn’t.
I just moved on.
We could still be friends and we are but not romantically involved and I became fine with that. She was none the wiser or maybe she was but never let on but this is how it went and I was OK with that.

The point is too many guys and ladies won’t do that. There are too many people who would do the rubbish I didn’t and condescend.

That someone is not Into you or not what you’d like/expect is not a reason to start attacking them or trying to shame them into agreeing or changing. That’s pretty dumb, really. A lot of folks need to grow up and learn how to talk.

Just because s/he isn’t doing what you’d like isn’t a reason for such nonsense talk. I just ignore people who tell me that crap, because aside it not being worth it, my own babe is out there who’ll love me in spite of my issues an stay with me. Everyone else can go and pick beans.

Let’s be real here, they’re just pained you said no or refused to turn into what they’d prefer. This is so they can feel better and superior and at the same time make you feel small and ashamed (and possibly desperate enough to accept). This in turn makes you look and feel horrible.

Abeg, ignore them and get to stepping. You just dodged a bullet from the gun of a manipulative, disrespectful little boy/girl. You’ll be fine.

Onuora Onianwa ©2016

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