Remarrying 4 months after the death of a spouse: Right? Wrong?


There is a story doing the rounds on social media at the moment – a widower with 2 kids who lost both wife and child at the birth of the third.

Four months after the death of his wife, the poor, grieving widower has now found true love again. With his late wife’s good friend.

Florence Esu got engaged to her friend’s husband, Dr. Bright Echefu, this Saturday, December 19, 2015.

Quick question: did he buy another ring or did they go dig up the poor woman and wrestle her ring off her still-decomposing finger?
The late wife, Cindy Echefu (L) with her dear, dear friend friend  and stalwart supporter, Florence Esu

Needless to say, most Nigerians think this is nowhere near long enough to grieve your partner or child whilst others think it wouldn’t make the blindest bit of difference if he stayed single one day or one year as it is what is in the heart that matters.

I think the consensus though, is that it is the callous way he’s going about the whole thing that is the bone of contention. He has flaunted the fiancée and the ring on social media, claims that both the dead and the proposed wife’s family are fine with the state of affairs. he has even gone so far as to say that he has received posthumous blessings from the missus in the grave.

This has led to the question: just how long is the right amount of time for grieving?

Here’s what I think: if you have to count it, you’re too early and you know you’re doing wrong. There are people who simply got divorced and they have to take a year or two to recentre themselves so they don’t hurt the next person they meet. How much more when you have had to bury someone? Who died with your child inside them? But you’re cool, right? On to the next one, abi? Issorai.

Secondly, I’m hearing a lot of widowers talking about how they couldn’t raise the surviving kids on their own. I don’t blame them because some men will say and do whatever they are allowed to. But who are these women signing up to a lifetime of Mary Poppins? So…you’re just a nanny then? Well, congratulations on your new job appointment, I guess.

What do you think? Was he too fast? What would you say is the ideal time to wait before remarrying?

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