The bedrock of every relationship is Communication. This is not all about talking, but about talking at the right time, right environment, right mood, and also listening to not just your partner but yourself.
Sometimes, we talk and talk but we aren’t actually communicating, and we blame our partners for not being sensitive to our plight.
Here is a scenario: My boyfriend kept a certain information away from me, I only got to know after he was done with it. I was not down with the fact that I wasn’t involved and then, he casually said he does not like involving people in his problems. People? We are talking about me, his girlfriend, his lady and he just classed me under “People”.
Now, I was not happy he kept his challenges from me and he had to go through them alone, I was more angry he classed me as “people”. I kept my cool, despite how furious I was on the inside. I celebrated his victory with him and gave him sometime, which also gave me time to get over my present sad emotional state.
When I came through, I checked up on him and sensing he was in a good mood, I let him know how he hurt me with his words to which he apologised, though I didn’t buy his apology because he casually apologised.
Now, I’ve communicated, I’ve made him know I wasn’t pleased with what he did and said, and he’s noted it.
Keeping it in and brooding over it will only end up building resentment towards him in me. Resentment will become bitterness and unforgiveness will subtly set in, with him unaware that he’s even wounded my heart. You see how emotional problems starts in a relationship?
When we understand that we are not the same mental, emotional, social and psychological makeup as our partners, it will help us to ignore certain of their flaws.
To him, a man shouldn’t bother his lady with his problems, he’s to deal with them solely as a man. But to me, my man shouldn’t go through his challenges alone, I want to be there for him where I can and help him go through it.
Where he is lacking, it’s my responsibility to point it to him and he’s to apologise, even when he doesn’t see a need to apologise. He’s also to show me when and where I go wrong with him, so I apologise and take corrections…. This is what proper communication does!
One thing is clear, what I find offensive might not be what he finds offensive. That’s the reason some people see an opinionated woman as appealing while some see her as disloyal.
When we communicate rightly, we succeed in solving 90% of our relationship problems, and find ourselves enjoying our relationship.
Like I said there’s a when to communicate, where to communicate, how to communicate.
You can’t handle a problem when either of you are not in the right frame of mind it will end in fights.
You can’t handle problems in just anywhere, there’s a right environment for that, mostly when both of you are alone… It doesn’t matter how angry you are, suck it in and wait! The time you spend waiting will help you think up how best to present your case, especially if you’re a lady, because we are more emotional and tend to over-react.
Now, if you have the right time and moment, but not the right words, there’s going to be a problem. Don’t start with saying something like: there’s something you always do I don’t like…. Here, if the man is the egoistic type, he will build up a defence.
Rather say: there’s something you said or did that made me feel bad or that hurt me. With this, you’ll get his attention because he’d want to know what he did hurt his princess and will be thinking up ways to make amends even before you’ve started or finished. The manner you present an issue goes a long way to solving that issue.
Please no matter how angry you are, Do Not Nag! Do not raise your voice! If need be, breath in and breath out several times, then have your emotion in check, be calm and tell him. It’s even okay if you tell them how you feel during your favorite TV show, because your mood is more relaxed at that point.
Most people (men) are carefree, but that doesn’t mean they are insensitive. They just do not show affection like we do, they don’t love like we do. It’s a whole different ball game for them. Guiding them on how to love us better serves them well and helps build intimacy.
As a man, when your lady goes wrong, let her know. It’s wrong to compare her to your Ex or your friends “near-perfect girlfriends”. It’s an insult to any woman to have her man compare her with another woman, it’s an emotional torture.
A simple: Baby, please try not to do that or say that again will pass your message across well.
Again, don’t reprimand her… She’s not a child, though she might have acted like one. Talk it through with her!
Sir! Do not caution your lady in public and that includes your family, her family, your friends and her friends! There’s something called self control, apply it when she goes wrong and address her mistake when you’re alone with her. It doesn’t make you a weak man, it doesn’t mean you’re not in charge but makes you a strong man who knows how to protect his woman.
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