A breakfast tradition

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This is a long breakfast tradition that has been practised in my house for years.

1. Wake up in the morning (before anyone else) and go straight to the kitchen.

2. Find the sufuria that cooked last night’s supper. There are some leftovers.

3. Eat the leftovers straight from the sufuria using the big serving spoon that was left in that sufuria.

4. Lean on the kitchen counter and chew quietly in the semi-darkness while contemplating the meaning of life.

5. Hear a movement in the house and pause. Stop chewing. Lift your head straight up. Narrow your eyes and look directly in front of you, letting them dart slowly while your aural receptors search for any sounds. Listen keenly. It’s quiet. No other movement.

6. Sigh in relief.

7. Continue chewing.

8. Finish the leftovers and lick the serving spoon.

9. Dump the sufuria and the spoon in the sink.

10. Go back to bed.

11. While in bed, doing things on your phone, hear some movements in the kitchen, then a loud wail.

12. Pause.

13. Hear quick footsteps approaching.

14. Pretend you’re fast asleep.

15. Someone will wake you up but you’ll pretend you can’t hear them or feel them shaking you for the first 10 seconds, then wake up fake-grumbling. They will tearfully ask who ate the leftovers they had planned to eat.

16. Feign surprise and confusion. Pretend you do not know what they are talking about. Lie that you, in fact, had no idea there were some leftovers in the house. To convince them, add that you get stomach aches and diarrhea when you eat leftovers, so it definitely cannot be you.

17. Repeat (almost) every morning until serious trust issues develop.

sufuria: is a Swahili language word, adopted in the local African Great Lakes regional variety of English, for a flat based, deep sided, lipped and handleless cooking pot or container.

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