On January 7th, 2005, I received my Christmas ’04 and New Year’s Day pressie all together. You see, all the papers carried it that Brad Pitt had been knockin’ da boots with Angelina Jolie aka Pillow Lips, and as a result, Jennifer Aniston was leaving him. Abi he left her to go be with Angelina. I dunno and I don’t care – somebody sha left somebody. We’re talking Lara Croft, Tomb Raider, not Maleficent Angelina Jolie.
Why the schadenfreude, you ask? Cos I never really cared for Ms Aniston, that’s why. I liked her character the least in the hit sitcom Friends, and was particularly salty that she shared my name in the show sef. Why did she have to be a Rachel? Why couldn’t she be Agatha or Clementina or Chinonso? But I digress.
Furthermore, I once heard an interaction between Ms Aniston and her then husband on the red carpet at an awards event. She could not handle the fact that the interviewer was more interested in his role in Oceans 11 or some other film than he was in her dress. As a result, she was rude to her husband. You know…in that Ross and Rachel “Look at me! Look at me! Look at only me!” way that she has. It’s not a big deal; it’s probably not even symptomatic of her entire marriage with him. But yeah, I ain’t here for Miss Thang.
So pardon me if my moral compass is skew whiff, but I don’t get all the people saying Jennifer must be somewhere rejoicing now. Or people talmbout how much of a bitch karma is.
We know that there are few Hollywood marriage that last forever. So I think in Hollywood years, this couple had great innings. They got these United Colours of Benetton babies, including their own twins. Angelina Jolie is Ms United Nations and serious stuff. Jennifer Aniston is still choosing hair dye and starring in B-grade movies.
Since the divorce, Jennifer has dated Vince Vaughn who looks like a rather attractive potato. John Mayer who nobody likes, and then married Justin Theroux who nobody knows.
If the rumour mill is to be believed, Brad Pitt (a hottie); cheated on Angelina Jolie (a stone-cold sex object) with Marion Cottilard (a fox on any given Sunday). And you guys think it is Jennifer who won?? If that is karma’s idea of balancing the books, karma can’t count for sh*t, and I don’t need her on my side when war breaks out.
I mean…if this is what people need in order to feel like some balance has been reintroduced to the universe, then they’re seriously mistaken. The world is full of women who have been hurt by cheating men and are claiming a tiny bit of this retribution for themselves. A little bit of right for all the wrong they’ve been through. Silliness: your ex still cheated, he still got away with it, your “God didn’t judge him” as you’d fervently sworn when you walked out asbtears and snot streamed down your face on that fateful day you caught them, and her probably went on to be really quite happy with Little Miss Thang from Round Tha Way.
As for all members of this sordid scandal, I’m sure they’ll all be alright. There’s enough money, fame, good looks and Hollywood cynicism to ensure it.
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