Nigeria’s Constituted Criminals planning their escape!


(Constituted criminals in a hotel room)

CC 1: Fellows, our bottoms have been set on fire! Toh, or maybe I’m the only one feeling it. But this is real, gentlemen! Let’s not deceive ourselves, we are heading for jail. If this man continues like this….if everything remain like this….if we fold our hands and do nothing…. We are going to lose everything and be jailed. I can’t stand this disgrace any longer!

CC 2: That will not be our portion in Jesus name.

CC 1: This is not a prayer matter. How many times have you appeared before the ICPC? You nko? How many hearings have you gone for? And you, how many times have you been interrogated by EFCC? Ask me how many times I have had to bail myself out? It’s becoming harder by the day. All the judges that we relied upon have been exposed and are all facing trials now. Big, big trouble lies ahead for us. Oga, you are quiet. Hmm….your immunity will expire one day o. All these secrets that are being uncovered daily will even make your re-election very difficult! This is the time for us to do something. We need to act fast!

CC 2: I think we should reach a compromise with them. Of course we have done what is bad; we have misappropriated funds and abused our positions so I think the power is not really in our hands. That’s why I suggested we should pray more and then negotiate with the government.

CC 3: Erm oga, you don’t negotiate with the devil. Since we have decided to dine with the devil, we need to get ourselves long spoons. I have not just decided to keep quiet, I know they are hell bent on nailing us. I know my immunity will expire but I have been working. You can be praying o, but we need to use force too. Just like our friend has said earlier, the matter is bad. And it’ll be worse if we don’t act fast.

CC 1: Ehen!. Thank you! So what are the plans? What are the plans?!

CC 3: Thank you. It’s just three of us here now but we all know that there are still others who are as affected as we are too. Basically, we need the support of everybody. We need to rally round and form a force to combat this government. We need to pull down this government. That’s the only thing that can save us.The strategy to use is very simple. We are going to use the people against the government. Already there’s tension in the country, the economy is bad. Even though we all know it’s not the fault of this government, but we will make them responsible.

CC 2: And you think that will work? You think the people will buy that propaganda?

CC 1: Oga, let him land now. Since your own is prayer, let’s hear another practical advise. My brother, continue jare.

CC 3: My brother, it will work! Apart from the fact that these people are naturally foolish, the present level of hunger in the land will make them do anything. Of course, we won’t just go to them directly like that to say, do this and that. It’s a process. We’ll first sympathise with them. Then let them trust us by convincing them that people like us are being victimised because we are challenging their poor governance – not that we actually committed all that we are being accused of.

Then we tell them to hold this government responsible for their hunger and poverty. With that, we have turned the attention away from us. We’ll then keep working underground by sponsoring all sorts of confusion via religion, party politricks, tribal disagreements and even personal attacks. When the system becomes properly heated up, it will explode by itself. When we wind the people up to the maximum, they’ll take to the streets and start fighting with the government. Once this happens, the government will be brought down and we can then install our own, who will come and clean our records again.
This is the only way.

CC 2: I think this is dangerous! We are going to the extreme with this….

CC1: Oga, what is the problem now?! See, are you for us or against us? Are you ready for jail? Are you ready to lose all you have acquired? Nothing is coming in anymore, should we lose the little we have? So what is the problem?

CC 3: Oga, you are too gentle o. When did you become like this? These people don’t have good intention towards us so we should not be gentle with them o. This thing I have suggested will not affect you in any way. Abi, you and I won’t be the one fighting now. Our children won’t join them to fight. And we have the money to hire securities to protect us and our properties. So what do you have to lose?

CC 1: I support your practical suggestion my brother. I think we should get other affected individuals involved so that the force can be stronger. The war has started. Corruption is fighting back, whoever will die, let them die.

(Constituted criminals light cigars)

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