Victor Ibeh’s Desk: can university love ever amount to more than just pressing of brezz?

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Young Black Couple

Viva Question

Please, I have a question. I heard if a woman leaves university and she doesn’t find or get a husband, it will be hard for her to see or get one elsewhere. Is this true? Secondly, can dating in university really lead to marriage? Because the way I see University love, all guys want is sex. Just sex. Women may have love to offer, but  most guys just want to press brezz and run.

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Viva Answer

This is fallacious. Universities do not groom husbands. Marriage is not a do or die affair. Being an undergraduate is not a legitimate point of attraction for a suitor. When you meet the man who connects with you and has the willingness to marry you, marriage will happen. Interestingly, that man can be found in any way and at any time. It doesn’t have to be when you are still an undergraduate. Wrong belief again.

What is the love of woman? Love is nothing more than the desire and interest in a person to the exclusion of every other person. This love is evidenced by the willingness to offer your whole loyalty and commitment to that person and be willing also to appreciate the loyalty and commitment from that person. Sex, finance, time, energy, support, etc are all part of the loyalty and commitment you offer to the person you love.

When women say that they have love to offer, what exactly do they mean? Most of them believe that the love they have to offer is their body. This is a lie. Sex is not a favour to anybody. Sex is an activity that should bring mutual satisfaction to those involved. There are women who also date just for sex. It is not just guys. First, you need to define what you want in a relationship; and what you are willing to invest in it. It is unfair to assume that all a guy wants in a relationship is sex.

Women also should learn that they are entitled to sexual satisfaction. They need to stop seeing sex as a special favour to men.

There are lots of marriages that grew from university relationships. There is no hard and fast rule about this. If the parties are honest with themselves, their relationship would lead to marriage. Not every university guy is interested in squeezing boobs. The last time I checked, there are ladies who break up with their uni boyfriends even after all the squeezing and grabbing and sucking. Wouldn’t it be unfair to still place blames on innocent guys, when they are not the only culprits in broken relationships?

To answer your question, a university date can lead to marriage. However, it is largely dependent on the parties involved. Every relationship is not defined by the location but the people in it. You are your relationship.

Do you agree with Victor? What would you have advised?

Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Good morning, I’m a huge fan. Thank you for all the wisdom you spill on your timeline. I’m a young christian lady. I was raised to think marrying a Christian makes your marriage perfect but after dating a spirikoko Christian and seeing a lot of things, I don’t strongly believe in this anymore. They paint atheists or people of other religions bad “because they don’t fear God” and that this lack of fear will make them capable of anything. I’ve dated rigid Christians, flexible Christians and on the way to dating an atheist. And I can tell that it’s not only Christians who have morals. This guy in question shares a lot of values with me despite being atheist. He wants a serious relationship with me but I’ve been hesitant for some reasons:
  1. The Bible passage that says don’t be unequally yoked. But I’ve questioned this several times. It didn’t specifically refer to marriage or did it? Was this an advice or an instruction? Is it a sin to marry someone who isn’t a Christian? I talked to him about it, to him it’s not a problem. He doesn’t mind if I take the kids to church and he said he can come along some times. But who knows if this will change later?

  2. I feel the mixed belief might be confusing for the kids and be a huge burden for them. I’ve gone through a faith crisis recently and as an adult it was hard. I almost fell into depression. What about kids?

  3. He made a statement yesterday after I asked him what we will tell the kids when they asked why he doesn’t go to church. He said we will tell them I believe in God and that he doesn’t like the god.
    He wrote God with a small g. I felt offended, but am I overreacting? He also said he doesn’t like God, now I’m thinking if he’s really atheist or anti-theist. How can my partner not like God who I adore so much? ???

I’ve been doing a lot of research and some people in this situation said they feel empty because they can’t share this special part of their life(Christianity) with their partners.
My parents will be mad if I marry an atheist but I can handle that.
I know you can’t decide for me, eventually I will be the one to make the final decision but I will like to hear your opinion on this issue as you are someone I look up to. Thank you! Have an amazing week!

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15 COMMENTS

  1. my friend is sex all that you learn from the univesty? beside true marriage doesnt call for sex.mark my word;those that sex you all in name you want to secure husband will see you as a prosttd,and nothing in this life will make him to believe that another person has not sleep wt you.stop flirting all in the name of looking for husband you cannot ctrl yourself.

  2. YOu want balme guys in Uni, when at that age all you are doing is just responding to hormonal changes. Those things are not in check yet. It will take another 10 years to be able to be in control

  3. My dear dats a lie ffrom d pit of hell. Wen its tym for u to marry u wil, n husban can come ffrom any wia, weda uni or not. Sex cant get u any responsible man to marry, cos marriage goes beyond sex.

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