So this picture found its way into The Shade Room yesterday. It showed a young woman having an emotional dance with her father, and the caption reads:
Another one of my favs! Dancing with my first love! I was able to present a certificate of purity to him signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact. Also the covenant he gave me when I was 13. When you honor God, your life will automatically honor others! I love you daddy
Let me start by saying that I am not writing about this woman or her decision. She certainly seems perfectly balanced, and her ‘certificate’ doesn’t seem to have stood in the way of her finding love. I read that some people have gone to great pains to find out who she is and have left nasty messages for her on her social media platforms. I think that is vile and must have marred what was a beautiful day for her. Her picture is here merely because it’s the first I’m hearing of grown folk doing this.
Also, I should add that I’m not against saying no to pre-marital sex. If you believe virtue is best defined by the condition of your hymen on your wedding night, then I support you in that belief. I do however believe that this should be a covenant between you and your God. A parent might set you on the right path in much the same way they might arrange your first holy communion or encourage you to join the choir, but when you’re grown, people should not be all up in your vagina.
What would this certificate prove? Or indeed what would the lack of a certificate prove? Why would anyone’s father possibly want this information? Why is it being presented to the father and not to the future husband? Why is it being presented to anyone at all? Doing some research, the purity vows always seem to be exchanged between father and daughter at a young age, and later on, the certificates usually require two signatures. Where are the mothers in this situation? Would this not be a topic better held by mother figures in a young girl’s life?
Come to that, does an in-tact hymen negate all other methods of sexuality? What about people who have masturbated, kissed, hit first, second or third base? Or are we just measuring this little film of tissue? What happens if your hymen breaks accidentally through some other means? Do you call for a recess? Or do you simply start shagging since wahala don happen already?
And who are these doctors doing hymen MOT? Do they advertise it as part of the services they offer? Is that what their parents sent them to go and do in school? To be signing virginity certificate?
This just seems like a twenty-first century interpretation of showing the marital bedsheet the morning after the wedding night, and it anchors a human’s worth to their sexual experience. I don’t think this is fair, just or right.
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