Ask Victor Ibeh: I don’t know how to open up to people and my problems are eating me up inside

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DEPRESSED-BLACK-MAN
Man with head in hand

Viva QuestionBrother, please I’d like to relate this with you! I don’t really like bugging anyone with my problems to avoid pity. I understand the fact that everybody one way or the other passes thru the travails of life. But I think this is affecting me.

Now my problem is this: I find it hard opening up to certain people. I mean immediate family and some close friends Family have not really helped me; I’ve been on my own gradually doing my thing. Even my woman, when I face some difficulties, I keep it all to myself, mostly when it has to do with finance.

I’m this type of guy that believes he should be a provider and not the other way round, though support is allowed when your woman understands you. I don’t ask, let it not look like I’m living on a woman’s funds. So I devise means to do it. The truth is, I no longer know who to even ask for help even if I were to open up, because I hate insult…and those willing to help don’t have! I’m beginning to think it’s affecting me. How do I overcome this? It weighs me down at times that I become so unsure of myself.

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Viva Answer

It is not bad to feel the way you feel. Having a sense of independence is very good for your self-esteem. People will disappoint you, especially those you hold dear. One of the ways not to be devastated when this happens, is to have a sense of independence. I always advise people to have alternatives. It is not every time, that people would grant your requests. So always be determined to accept No for an answer and move on. Therein, lies your independence.

However, I would like to remind you that no man is an island and there is nothing like a self-made person. We all depend on one another for assistance. It may not come from your family but you sure will get help from somebody in life.

In order not to feel embarrassed when you ask people for help, I want you to remember that after you have suffered alone and made your money in life, you are going to help people. Even those who you are shy of asking help from, would ask you and you will give to them. So feel free to ask, knowing that anything anybody gives to you is a debt you will repay one day.

That should be the attitude. Ask people for help, with the mindset that you would repay them. In the journey of life, take advantage of every opportunity you can get. It would help you move faster. Whether you ask them or not, when you make yours, they would ask you. So, don’t slow down yourself, because you don’t want to ask. As for your woman, there is nothing wrong in asking your woman to assist you with anything. That is the reason you are partners. To help each other stand. It has nothing to do with your ego. As long as you are not asking for extravagant and frivolous reasons. Feel free to ask your woman for assistance.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!
Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent
Good morning sir. Please, I need your counsel. I met this guy last year and we have been dating for about 8 months. Until this very moment he has not said anything about his intentions as to whether we are going to get married or not. We are in the same state. Every weekend I go to meet him and we spend the weekend together. I am already 31 and I want to settle down. I have never wanted to be in a relationship that has no clear destination. My problem is that I don’t know how to bring this up to him. I have heard people saying that if a woman brings up the subject, it would look like she is desperate. I really want to know how to handle this situation.

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