Ask Victor Ibeh: I don't want to look desperate but he's not mentioning marriage. Should I ask?


Good morning sir. Please, I need your counsel. I met this guy last year and we have been dating for about 8 months. Until this very moment he has not said anything about his intentions as to whether we are going to get married or not. We are in the same state. Every weekend I go to meet him and we spend the weekend together.

I am already 31 and I want to settle down. I have never wanted to be in a relationship that has no clear destination. My problem is that I don’t know how to bring this up to him. I have heard people saying that if a woman brings up the subject, it would look like she is desperate. I really want to know how to handle this situation.

This is not an issue of desperation. Relationships ought to have direction. You deserve to know if you are on the same page with your partner. For me, I like defining my relationship from the beginning. I don’t know how to waste my time in a relationship. You need to know that it is not wrong for you to desire a relationship heading to marriage. It is what you want and you have the right to it.

People have different choices and interests when it comes to relationship. It is not about your age or getting older, it is about having a sense of direction. Having a sense of direction would help you make well defined investments in your relationship. Even in financial partnership, people don’t just start up something without defining their basic interests. Emotional transactions are just like every other transaction. There should be a destination in view.

You people should be working towards a goal. If something comes up and makes it difficult for both of you to continue with the relationship, that is a different situation; but you should at least have a focus. Having said that, when next you meet with him, discuss this issue with him. Ask him his goals for the relationship. He should be able to state in clear terms what he wants out of the relationship. You need to know where you stand and where you are heading to. Remember, that it is your time, energy, resources and even body that you are giving to that relationship. You are a stakeholder, so, you have the inalienable right to know where you guys are headed.

Do you agree with Victor? Comments below please!

Hello Victor,

Please I need help. I am engaged to guy and we are meant to be married in three months’ time. We have been planning and arranging our stuff. The problem is this: my fiancé is an only child and his biological father is dead. His mother remarried but didn’t have another child for her present husband, because he is elderly and has other children from his first wife. My fiancé is so close to his mother that he plans to remain in the family house after marriage. The implication is that we would be living together with his mother and step father.

This is not the main problem for me because we have been spending time there before now. Something happened last week that shook me. I was alone in the house with his step dad. My fiancé had gone to work and his mother was out visiting friends.

The step dad called me and requested that I help him recharge his phone. I was doing that when he suddenly stretched his hands and placed them on my butt. I was transfixed.

When I got myself, I screamed. I asked him the meaning of that and he told me to calm down. While I was trying to be respectful, he was already saying that he is not sure that my fiancé can satisfy me in bed. He said I should try him and see what an older man’s manhood tastes like. I immediately dropped his phone and went back into the room. I left the house the next morning. I didn’t tell my fiancé because I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do. I need you to please counsel me on what to do.

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